We are starting month 6 in this pregnancy. This one has been my hardest pregnancy yet. I actually told Steve the other night "mark my words I do not want to go through this again, 3 is a great number of kids for us."
During previous pregnancies once I hit mid-teens I usually felt really good. I remember getting a little nauseous with Payton in my late teens, but I was mostly smooth sailing until the end of pregnancy discomfort of being big set in.
The last 24 weeks have been some of the hardest times I have physically and hormonally gone through. I wrote HERE at the end of my first trimester how hard it had been for me, and I was hoping for better days. Well the better days have been so minimal, the tough ones have stuck around a lot longer than I hoped.
I am not a women who has loved being pregnant during any of my pregnancies. This pregnancy has gone from first trimester yuck to hormone-over-load-can't-tell-you-why-I-cry-and-feel-overwhelmed-about-everything to complete exhaustion to the last few weeks of such pain in my body I feel like I am 38 weeks pregnant and should pop any day.
I felt like as soon as I got over the first trimester yuck, the hormones took over, then those subsided and complete exhaustion hit me, then as soon as I felt a little energy back, my body completely aches and hurts to move at all. I have been seeing a chiropractor and he is so wonderful, really trying to figure out the pain (mostly lower back) and the last few days I have felt some reprieve.
I feel like I have become a negative-nelly which I hate. I have wanted to be real and let people know I don't have it all together and I am having a hard time handling this, but yesterday it hit me, I am tired of being in this rut. I am tired of telling people I hurt and I am over this pregnancy. I did calculate the other day that I have been pregnant 9 of the last 13 months, no wonder I am ready to be done.
BUT today I have decided to make a change. I am choosing to be positive. I am tired of being negative, I am choosing to use positive words associated with this pregnancy. I really believe in the power of positive words and thoughts. I am choosing to be productive, even when I feel life sitting in my rear and staring at nothing. I have been debbie-downer and sittin-sally for 6 months, I am over it. This most likely will be my last pregnancy, so I want to have some fond memories of it, if they are not coming naturally, I will look hard for them. So here it is to a great last few months of my pregnancy. I know my husband and dear friend Hilary who both hear me whine the most will enjoy the change. My kids will probably notice too, but most importantly, I want to be more myself and enjoy myself.