"I still do" - conflict

We are in the second week of our marriage series at church called "I still do." This week Steve focused on commitment to working through conflict. Every couple has conflict, every couple fights. Here are my cliff notes :)

The root or causes of conflict

1. Unmet expectations - your spouse is not doing what you want or "expect"

2. Selfishness - "what about what I want?"

3. Pride - "I am always right and my spouse is always wrong" (He made the comment here that if you keep thinking, "I hope my spouse is listening to this sermon." You might have some pride, look within you for change first).

When 2 people are fully surrendered to God, there is no relationship too far gone to heal. We have heard so many stories of couples going through some terrible experiences, who have persevered, and have loving, committed relationships today.  It takes 2 though.

The commitment we made

I promise to act and not react, to focus on the good and not the bad, and to talk and not walk.

Act and not react

No matter what they have done against you in the past, you do not have the license to sin against them today

Focus on good and not bad

During dating opposites often ATTRACT, the problem when that relationship moves into marriage, opposites begin to ATTACK. Choose to focus on the good.

Talk and not Walk

To make it for the long haul, you need to make it through the wintery seasons. Every couple has them, and will have many, commit to working through them.

United vs Untied

The placement of the "I" makes all the difference. If the "I" is in the wrong place, the relationship becomes UNTIED, if the "I" is in the proper place, first fully surrendered to God, the relationship stays UNITED.

I am reading a book called I Lay My Isaac Down about Carol Kent, a Christian women whose only child, her son, known to be a wonderful Christian man and a Naval Academy graduate, lost his mind and killed the father of his stepdaughters, out of protection for them. He was 25 years old when he committed the crime and is serving life without parole. The book is her story, but an encouragement and challenge to everyone who has their "Isaac" moments.  The point of sharing this book is that there is a story of a Christian family who the father sexually abused the oldest daughter (somewhere in her preteen years). By God's grace and mercy this family, after years and years of work, were restored to each other. Individually they all received help, the couple worked for years on their marriage (the father wasn't even allowed to enter the home for over 4 years), then the younger daughter was reconciled, then eventually, with the help of a caring youth pastor who was also sexually abused as a child, the oldest daughter too forgave her father and the whole family was reunited. The "I" was in the right place with everyone in this family, fully surrendered to God. That story blows my mind, that does not make sense by the world's standards, that is allowing God to heal and move, committing to the long haul, working through the wintery season.

So glad to be #2

Yesterday we started a new series at church called "I still do." This week was about priorities in marriage. The big takeaway was the God needs to be the #1 and your spouse #2. I would bet that most struggling marriages do not have God as the top priority.

The statistics are stacked against thriving, loving, enduring marriages. I want to defy statistics. 

Steve challenged the guys and he allowed me to speak to the women (via video) about how to make God #1 and then your spouse #2.

I would say one of the biggest competition for priorities for women is time and children. Many women are all pulled so thin, over-committed, over-taxed, and feel under appreciated. As a family we have learned to say No to many great things, to allow us the time as a family.

It saddens me as well, when women make children their top priority. Children are important, but not everything. The best gift you can give your kids is an example of a living and breathing relationship with Christ, and a healthy, growing, loving marriage that lasts.

Check out the link below to watch the sermon online.

http://www.indiancreek.org/I-Still-Do/priorities.html

By no means do Steve and I have this marriage thing figured out. We are on a journey, but we are passionate about that journey. We read books, go to conferences, get away the two of us. I actually love that I am Steve's #2 and not #1. That takes a lot of pressure off me. I know I will fail him, I will not live up to all his expectations, but I have peace knowing that the one he relies the most on will never fail him, He (Christ) is perfect and I don't have to be.

God & Sex

GOD & SEX

Now that I have your attention, let's talk about it.

Right now we are in a FAQ's series at church. Steve had the honor to speak on the oh so easy subjects of what the Bible has to say about

Homosexuality

&

Birth Control

&

Masturbation

&

More....

Let me say that I believe he did an excellent job presenting what truth that is found in the Bible. There are some topics that the Bible isn't straight forward, so Steve found principles that apply. These topics are so often avoided completely in church, or skimmed over. Some people don't want to "offend" anyone. Well, I personally believe the Bible is the living Word of God, that is truth, it is meant to make your life more Full, not minimize your "fun."  

I really don't think I can say it any better than my husband. If you have time, I strongly suggest you watch his sermon. It might open your eyes to things you didn't know. 

I am not asking you to agree with me, hey if you don't believe God is who he says he is, or that the Bible is a book to base your life off of, then I don't expect you to agree with everything. I do ask that you at least listen, stew over it, and even question God with your uncertainties. He doesn't call us to be robots, he wants to hear from you.

Check our the sermon HERE

Love & Marriage, Love & Marriage ....

6.5 years ago

My husband delivered it yesterday at church! It has been so fun to watch him grow as a communicator these past few years that he has been preaching more regularly.  I feel like the past few months, you can really see his comfort level rising. He never seemed awkward, he is just really settling in and his personality is coming out. He speaks it like it is!

We are in the middle of a series on Ephesians. Yesterday we studied Ephesians 5, submitting to one another in marriage. Submission has such a negative spin on it in our society. 

Ephesians 5

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.t 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 


Marriage can not be based upon the feeling of love. Feelings come and go, we can fall in and out of love if we base it on feelings.  We must MAKE LOVE .... a VERB. Love has to have action to it, it must be moving due to our intentionality.  A secret to long, thriving marriages is to consider the other person better than yourself. Treat them as if they are more important that you. Submit to them. How do you do that?

Submit through your ACTIONS-
Serve them, spend time with them doing the things they like, not just your interests, but theirs. Why have I gone hunting with Steve, not because I love the idea of sitting outside in the cold, in ugly clothes, watching nothing happen around me, all while having to be silent. I have taken an interest in hunting because that is what my husband loves to do. I am trying to be better about even buying and wearing clothes that my husband like to see on me, even if they aren't my top choice.  Serving your spouse, not standing up for your desires, but finding ways to meet theirs. How far should you go? Christ laid down his life for us, and we are called to love each other like he loved us. Willing to lay it all down, that is how far you should go.

Submit through your WORDS-
If you think something positive about your spouse, tell them! Not sharing your positive thoughts with them is like buying them a gift and not giving it to them. Find ways to shower them with words.  The phrase I LOVE YOU can get worn out. People tend to use it everyday, without much meaning behind it. Take some time to tell your spouse I LOVE YOU BECAUSE.... that simple word at the end can bring new life to the phrase. Today, take a few minutes and write a note to your spouse with 10 reasons you love them BECAUSE.   The Bible is full of great examples how on to use your words to show your spouse your love. I love that Steve was not afraid to share a verse from Songs of Solomon. If you think the Bible is boring, pick one up and read Songs of Solomon, there is more intense sexual descriptions in that one book that most of our marriages ever experience. Here King Solomon is describing his attraction to a Jewish maiden (if you read the whole book you will definitely see he uses words to describe is love and she does not doubt his adoration for her)

Songs of Solomon 7
6 Oh, how beautiful you are!
How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!
7 You are slender like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.
8 I said, “I will climb the palm tree
and take hold of its fruit.” 


 Yes men haven't changed all these years, they still want to get their hands on their woman's breasts. Steve had the congregation either laughing or blushing as he read this verse. Of course he had some joke about men starting to climb, and blessing God's written word; not too many pastors would want to bring this topic up in church.

Marriages are under attack. Ironically Saturday night Steve and I had a disagreement over nothing, right before he spoke the next day on marriage. Those arguments that start over "nothing" and escalate beyond belief, I believe, are attacks from the enemy on your marriage. He would love nothing more than to ruin a marriage, especially one that claims to be grounded in Christ.  Christ is the reason we have the marriage we do. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it is a work in progress. We both want to intentionally use our actions and words to make love a verb to each other.  Marriages don't just work out without you working hard at them.  Especially for us mom's of little kids. Yes it is our job to raise these kids to the best of our ability, but more important than our role as a mom, is our role as a wife. The kids see our marriage, the kids will leave home one day and we will be alone with our husbands, I pray the hard work we put into our marriage pays off, that when these little rascals leave home, we can look at each other in the eye and act like giddy teenagers who finally get to be home alone.  My husband is a gift I don't want to take for granted. 

Take time this week to love your spouse with your actions and your words. Put the hard work in, don't give up, I believe the best days are still to come.

The Word of God

Steve spoke on Sunday continuing our series on Nehemiah, "I want my life back." This week we studied Nehemiah 8. So far in the story, Nehemiah followed the passion God put in his heart to go back to his home and help rebuild the wall around the city. Facing the risk of losing everything to ask the King for permission to leave, then facing opposition and threats against him and the people rebuilding the wall, the wall is finished, and finished quickly. This quieted Nehemiah's enemies, because they realized the Lord was with Nehemiah. Now that the wall is rebuilt around the city for protection, Nehemiah realizes that the people need their lives rebuilt as well.  So what does he do, he turns to the Word of God. The people of that day had such a reverence for God's Word, they stood whenever it was being read.  They hung on to every word, listening to what God had to say to them.

Steve spoke about how even though the Bible is the most reliable book, the most purchased book, ironically the most shoplifted book, it is the most neglected book as well.  People who lived just a few hundred years after Jesus walked the earth, would pay equivalent to $300,000 to have a copy of the Word of God. Do you think you might appreciate the Bible a little more if you paid that much for it? 

We have such easy access to the Bible we take it for granted. There are people who have risked and even lost their lives to get their hands on the Bible or get a Bible in someone else hand.  You might have a few copies at your home that sit around and collect dust. 

The Bible is the Living Word of God, it is active and alive. Through it God can speak to you and change your life. It is amazing how many times I am dealing with something personally and I sit to read the Bible and am either completely challenged or encouraged in whatever area it is I am working through. Many people don't feel like they "hear" God, yet they don't sit down long enough, open up His word and allow Him to speak through the words and stories that He has written. 

I challenge you to spend some time in God's Word. It is well equipped to be the foundation for your life.  If you don't think it has anything to say to you, challenge God to show you something in His word that speaks to your life. I believe God delights in those challenges. Make sure you have a relevant translation (if you have a King James Version KJV, try something that might read a little easier). If you don't have a good Bible, let me know and I will send you one for Free.  Don't know where to start reading. The Gospel John is a good place, or if you want to look for a certain topic check out The Bible Yellow pages http://www.bibleyp.com/ that has scriptures broken down by topics.  If you are looking for a wonderful Free Bible to download to your mobile device or for a good reading plan, check out www.youversion.com.

Don't use the excuse of you don't know how to read the Bible, or you don't have time to read it, keep you from allowing God to radically show himself to you and love on you in ways you have never experienced before.  Give it a try, see what God wants to do in you and through you.

Dreaming is Risky Business

Steve spoke yesterday about Following the God given dream inside of you being risky. We are continuing our story on Nehemiah, how God gave him a vision/dream and he pursued it. Here are a few points from the sermon:

The path to your greatest potential is often straight through your greatest fear.

God wants to take you through those hard places to reach your fullest potential. So often we are limited by our human perspective and think we can't make it through something, but God is bigger and wants to give you more.

Dream Chasers know that playing it safe can be risky

The only place riskier then in the middle of God's will, is outside of his will. Playing it safe not only guarantees you miss out on what God has in store, it can also be dangerous

Dream Chasers know that their God is bigger than any problem or excuse

We as Christians often focus on the size of our problem, not the size of our God. We don't take that first step towards our dream, because we think of all the ways it can go wrong. We think, maybe God will show up. Nehemiah gives us the example that he assumes the God of the heavens will show up and take care of whatever problems they might face in rebuilding the wall.

How big is your GOD?

This is how big my God is...

God takes full responsibility for a life fully surrendered to him. What dream has God placed inside of you that you need to take action on?

My personal application involves taking a step towards a nudge that I have felt from the Spirit for about 2 years. Not long after we moved here, we had a guest speaker from The Urban Scholastic Center which is on a mission to develop socially responsible Christian leaders. They model and teach urban youth to become dedicated followers of Jesus Christ while placing a high priority on education, family and community. They are based in in the inner city of Kansas City.

I felt at that time that for some reason, I should get involved here. Long story short, I have heard the same gentlemen speak different times, I have personally spoke with him, almost every time a sermon has been preached the last few years challenging me to step out and do what God has asked me to, my mind always goes back to USC.  Have I taken any steps yet? 

NOPE

I always seem to have an excuse. Childcare has been the biggest one, which I know there are opportunities to help that are behind the scenes and I wouldn't have to leave Payton.

So sitting in service, listening to my husband speak, I was once again challenged. It is interesting to me, because I don't feel like I have a burning passion to be involved with inner city youth, that would be far down my list of passion areas, but I can't get away from the fact that I feel God is telling to do something.  

So I am going public. Public declaring that I am going to contact the center and ask how I can help. I figure if I am public about it, I have more accountability and can't keep "putting it off."  So if you read this and see me or talk to me, ask me what I have done to make steps in that direction.

Who knows, God works in funny ways, it might not be at all about me and the youth. It might be another person I meet on the journey, or it just might be me that God has some work to do with and this is the path for that change.  

I don't want to guess what is in store, I will choose to walk and see where it goes...

Monday Thoughts (on Wednesday)

Steve spoke this weekend, continuing the series Jesus in His Own Words. I am a little late in my commentary, but here we go. Luke 19:28-40

How many times do we have an expectation for something or someone, that quite frankly, is not the reality. Could be a movie that was hyped up, when you went to see it, it just didn't do it for you. Could be a relationship that you had pictured in your head to turn out one way, and when it was all said and done, that wasn't what happen. This might have been what happened for some people a couple thousand years ago. Steve suggested that people expected the Messiah to come in on a war horse, to be strong, bold, outspoken, loud, and turn the government upside down. The true Messiah came in to town on a borrowed donkey. Yup, a borrowed donkey. No glitz, no glamor, people didn't even recognize him (Luke 19:39-40). Maybe that is the reason that on Palm Sunday, the crowd was crying out praises towards him, yet 5 days later the crowd yelled, "Crucify him, crucify him!" Maybe they expected something different. Has there been a time in your life where the outcome wasn't what you prayed for, wasn't what you expected, Christ responded differently to your request? Were you able to see that He had good reason? Are you still frustrated with Him? Be honest with God, He wants to hear those things.

The crowds wanted a King to rule, but Jesus came to serve others. It is our bent as humans to want a God who will make us powerful and profitable, but He wants us to serve others. How can you relate?

The Messiah was expected to come in and change the political systems, but Christ came to change our personal lives. How many times have you thought, if God would only change my spouse, then I can be the spouse He has called me to, if God would only change my work environment, then I could show His love better to my co-workers? God is not as interested in changing the external situations as He is in changing the internal side of you. He wants you to be changed from the inside out, then, if true change is experienced, you wouldn't be so focused on God changing the external, but you doing what God has called/wired you to do.

Be honest with God, He wants to hear how you have felt let down by him. I would challenge you though, to ask him to change you from the inside. Maybe it is the fear of failure, ask Him for courage, maybe it is the uncertainty of the future, ask Him for faith to take one step at a time. God has unfailing love and power for your life, let Him inside, to do His work in you!

Monday Thoughts

If Steve speaks on Sunday, my goal on Monday's is to debrief the sermon. My thoughts, what I took away from it.

Let me start by saying, I love listening to my husband preach. I try to attend all 3 services when he preaches, and I enjoy each time more and more. I believe God has gifted him as a communicator. You can go to www.indiancreek.org and listen to sermon's online.

We are in a sermon series called "Jesus on Jesus, Jesus in his own words"

This week sermon's was based on Jesus calling himself the Good Shepherd.

John 10:11-15
11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.12 The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it.13 The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
14 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me–15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father–and I lay down my life for the sheep.

Steve gave us a little lesson on shepherding, since most of us don't know too many shepherds personally. Shepherds protect their sheep. Sheep will actually eat themselves to death, not literally eat themselves, but they will eat so much and not stop that their stomach's can't handle it and they die. The shepherd helps protect sheep not only from outside threats but protects them from themselves. How many times in our lives, would we be in a better spot, if we would get out of our own way? I found myself thinking about the sheep over eating, and wondered what do I overindulge in that might be harmful to myself that I need the Lord to protect me from.

Shepherd provide for their sheep. Sheep's wool can get so heavy that they can't get up. They need the shepherd's strength to help them get up and move. When have you experienced something that you thought you would not recover from, you would not get up, yet with the help of the Lord, you were able to get up and move? When have you been over your head, that you needed the Lord to show up in your life?

Shepherd guide their sheep. Sheep will eat a whole pasture and not know what to do next, they need the perspective of the shepherd, to help them find more food. How often I only see my limited perspective, that if I trusted the viewpoint of God, if I believed he had the proper perspective, I would save myself so much pain.

These insights into shepherding were so easy to see how they fit into my life, seeing Jesus as my good Shepherd. The problem we as human's often experience is that we don't know the voice of our shepherd, we have to know is His voice to be able to follow him.

John 10:2-5
2 The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep.3 The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.5 But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

How do we learn the sound of His voice? I believe the answer to this question isn't complicated. Many Christians know the answer, but do to busyness or laziness, we don't seek to hear His voice more.

I believe we need to get into His word. Read the Bible, ask the Spirit to speak to us through the word. Read it, pray it, meditate on it, seek to understand how it can be applied to your life. The more you know about the Bible and the more you know the Bible, the more exciting it gets. I used to read the Bible and think it was so boring. There are so many great resources out there to help you in reading the Bible. www.youversion.com is a great online resource to help you read the Bible. Read the Bible to know and understand the Author more.

We also need to quiet the white noise in our lives. I am terrible at this. Even when I make "quiet time" to sit and read the Bible, my head is going a thousand directions. I am already on to planning my day, or thinking about my to do list. It is such a challenge not only to find time, but to quiet yourself in that time, but at times, I have experienced the reward of the hard work of seeking that still, quiet time alone with the Lord.

Those are my thoughts and reflections on Steve's sermon. Can't claim any of the material, stole it from him. Really enjoyed the new information about shepherding, and being able to see how Jesus is my good shepherd, and loved the reminder to do what I know is best for me, to quiet my soul, read God's word and listen for my shepherd's voice.

Monday Morning Reflections

Steve did an amazing job yesterday. I know I am a bias wife, but I love sitting under his teaching. He spoke about unstoppable community. We were challenged to see ourselves as the church, therefore, we are called to make disciples. Disciple making is not left up to the "church" that people attend on Sunday morning, but it is all of us, pouring into others and pointing them to Christ as we do life. Steve spoke about Paul and Timothy, stating that we each should have a Paul (someone who is pouring their wisdom into us) and a Timothy (someone we are pouring into) in our lives. At ICCC the best place for this to happen is in Community Groups. Sunday was the kick-off to the Fall Semester for community groups. I know personally, our community group has made such a difference in our lives. Moving across the country, not knowing anyone, our community group is who we do life with. You can listen to Steve's sermon here (I hope this work, first time trying).