Our 2-year house hunt

Here is the back story to our housing journey. Check out the previous posts for the details of the home we just bought.

This would have been our driveway.

Two years ago, we were praying through God's direction to move to Ohio. I love homes so I started looking at housing right away and stumbled upon a home in pre-forclosure. Through crazy connections, we ended up walking through this home during one of our visits to Ohio 2 years ago. We got to know the home owners and discussed doing a short sale. The short sale timing was not the best for the current homeowners but my heart was set on that home. This started an 18-month journey with this home. We tried buying this home on a few different occasions, and obviously it never worked out. We would think the door was closed, but then a few months later it would open again. I just knew we would end up with the home. I prayed bold prayers for this home. We walked the property many times praying over the home. We brought contractors, and appraisers and anyone else we could through the home to get a game plan for renovations and updating. For 6-months I daily drove by the home (it was 2 minutes from church) and prayed over it and our housing. It has a covered bridge for a driveway, so it became The Covered Bridge Home. The kids got tired of driving past this home, but I wanted to give them an example of circling a prayer. We didn't just throw a prayer up every now and then, we were diligent in praying for this home. We would pray for God to provide and protect. As much as we wanted this home, we trusted He knew things we didn't know and He has a plan. We had a rough experience with the only other home we had owned in Bradenton, FL and we didn't want a repeat.

I was sure this house was in God's plan for us! Looking back I clung to this house more than I realized. In October we thought we lost the house for good and it was emotionally very tough for me. I couldn't drive by without crying over it. But a few weeks later the door was opened again and I had hope. Well February this year the door was shut for good. Someone else bought the home and technically they should have not been able to purchase it (it was sold by Fannie Mae at this point they have some stipulations on who can purchase one of their homes in the first 21 days it is on the market).  We put our highest bid in (well over asking price which is unheard of in this area) and were outbid. This time I was not only sad but mad.

There was another home only a few minutes from church that we put 2 offers on over a 5 month period. The home was somewhat updated by the previous owners but we felt like it was over priced for the size of home without a basement. We offered $20k under asking price both times. First time their counter offer was way off. The second time we offered 5 months later, they didn't even counter and felt like their response was very defensive to why their home was worth the listing price. It was such a weird situation. Ironically they finally sold that home 7 months after our initial offer for only $5k more than we had offered. They had already moved out of the home and paying 2 mortgages so it didn't make sense to us, but looking back it God had another plan, that is why that home didn't work out, as oddly as the whole situation was.

We looked at many other home. One house had dog poop in one bedroom and cigarette butts on the floor of another, and we had a scheduled showing for this house that was not a cheap house by any means. A decently priced home for this area. I usually knew right away that all the homes we walked through were not for us. The covered bridge home and the one we put the 2 offers on, were the only options we really considered.

Looking back, I believe not getting the covered bridge home was the start of my grieving process of leaving KC. I am a forward facing person and we knew God called us to Dayton so we packed our family and moved. My focus was moving our family, finding a home, getting kids adjusted and settled in school and making relationships here. I was busy doing life and didn't take time to reflect on the sacrifices we made leaving the only place that felt like home for Team Southards. Sacrifices often don't feel good, quite frankly they can hurt. The whole house search process was frustrating because housing options was a constant reminder of how different I feel from this area. I had only known new Florida homes (bright, white and open) and new Kansas City homes that had a similar feel. I wasn't used to low ceilings, choppy floor plans and little windows. Since we wanted a few acres for the kids, our options were even more limited. There are homes more similar to what I prefer in this area, they are just in neighborhoods. Home prices are cheaper here than anywhere else we have lived, so we really stuck to our guns about wanting land for the kids.

In May we found the home that we would eventually purchase. You can read all about that home HERE.

A few of the lessons I learned throughout this process. Just because we say "Yes" to God and follow him (for us it was leaving a place we loved and moving our family across the country) that doesn't mean everything is going to easily fall in place and be smooth. Humans are often guilty of wanting things to be "easy." I assumed since we were obedient that God would take care of the details and it would be on my timeline. I remember nursing Stetson in the middle of the night as a newborn over 2 years ago and looking at houses online (while were praying about the decision to move). I felt God spoke to my spirit and told me that He would take care of the details of housing, I need to seek him and trust him. That was easier to do in the moment sitting in a place of comfort. That was more challenging as we have lived in a temporary place so long yearning for a place to call our own and unpack our boxes (we have boxes still unpacked waiting to be moved after almost 2 years).

The second lesson is we don't and sometimes won't understand God's decisions and plans. I had to come to a place that I trusted God even if the house we ended up with wasn't as good as the covered bridge home to me. There are so many details I will never know, but I have to be ok with that and I choose to still trust God's goodness. There are pro's and con's of the home we ended up with compared to the covered bridge. Quite frankly, I would rather have the covered bridge home, but I am not angry about it anymore. I am so grateful we have a home that we get to make our own.

So that is a reflection on the housing journey we have been on for 2 years. We are neck deep in renovating now. We weren't looking for a project, but we got one and it is fun to get to pick everything out for a home! We spent about 1 month doing demolition and just this week the framers were in and out in 2.5 days the house is starting to be put back together! More updates real soon!

"My Happy Place"

It is one of those mornings that all 4 kids are a complete mess. Our fault for keeping them out late last night but it is worse than I expected. 2 little ones were down for naps by 10am!

Great morning to try my new adult coloring book! Steve asked if I was going to my "happy place" while coloring. My dear husband prays for me every morning that "the Joy of Lord would be my strength!" I believe God has been so faithful to answer that prayer.

We have 4 young, loud, active kids. I wouldn't have it any other way (even sweet, "quiet in public" Presley has a streak to her at home). Some days I handle that better than others. Recently I feel like the Lord has been so faithful to give me peace in the middle of the chaos. Rocking Stetson (really manhandling because that boy is strong) this morning while he was kicking and screaming I could laugh and softly tell him that God has big plans for his power and determination. Then put him in his crib to finish releasing his energy and he quickly fell asleep.

I really believe my patience these days comes from grounding myself in God's word every morning. My word for 2016 is Intentional (another post will follow about that). Sleep has been a minimum since moving over a year ago (really since Stetson's birth 20 months ago). I used being tired as the reason I couldn't get out of bed early in the morning. I woke with the kids.

A couple months ago, I decided no matter how tired I was, I was going to rise a little earlier than the kids. I know myself well enough to know that rising early in the morning and starting my day grounded in the word, makes all the difference for me. Most mornings the middle 2 kiddos wake up much earlier than I prefer and find themselves cuddled up on the couch next to me. This used to really frustrate me as this was "my" time and I was sacrificing sleep for it only to have a child up early too. I have created boundaries with them and showed them what 7 o'clock looks like on the clock and let them know that they are welcome to join me and sit quietly but I will not help them with anything until the clock says 7. They may read, but there are no toys, no technology, no breakfast, no help from mommy until 7am. They need gentle reminders most mornings, but it is working.

My patience for the kids, my attitude, my outlook in general are all so affected by how I start my day and how lay my life before the Lord, submitting it all to Him and asking Him to fill me in a way only He can. Now, I also have one more tool in my toolbox to keep myself in "my happy place"... coloring.

God's plan

God has a plan that is always better than ours, but He isn't going to force his plan upon us. He gave us free will to choose his path or our own. So many times we get it wrong, think that maybe he is sleeping on the job, and cling to our plan, our way, control things so they make sense to us. 

The times I have humbly walked the journey seeking His face and asking for wisdom to follow his plan, he has been so faithful to answer those prayers.

Sometimes when seeking direction he gives us the choice, sometimes he clearly directs our steps.

One year ago this week, we committed to moving our young family across the country to a city we did not know, to a people we did not know. All because Steve and I seek to serve God and follow his plan. 

Dayton is a very steady place, people don't move a lot (unless you are military as the Air Force has huge base here, we often get the question if we are military from people we meet out and about, because not a lot of young families move here). Many young mom's I have met say things like "you are so brave," "I could never leave my family," "I couldn't do that." 

If you are a follower of Christ who seeks to glorify him and serve him in all you do, yes, you too would do this. Because if you have walked with the Lord long enough, you too have learned that it is much better to be in a foreign city while being in God's plan, than being in a familiar place where you are comfortable, following your own plan for you life.

It doesn't have to be moving either, God might be calling you to do something out of your comfort zone that you are dragging your feet in fear of the unknown. It seems easier to be safe in your plan that to boldly step out in faith. But friend, you are missing out if you are playing it safe.

Steve spoke this past June at a conference called Be Bold. His sermon is a great reminder of why we chose to move our 4 little kids away from a church and community that we absolutely loved, to go to a place that we never thought we would live. Take some time and listen to his sermon and ask God to challenge you and show you an area of your life he wants you to Be Bold.

http://www.jesusisthesubject.org/be-bold-reclaim-convention-videos/

(go down to Session 4, for some reason I couldn't get it loaded)

We have been humbled to see what God has done this last year after we took one step of obedience. 

Right before we moved I did a Beth Moore study "Children of the Day" with some ladies at Indian Creek. There was a scripture that stuck out to me big time and became my prayer for our move to Salem and my prayer for our relationship with the people of Salem and with the community around it.

1 Thessalonians 2:8

Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.

I am doing the exact same study right now with new women at Salem and I was rereading over that scripture during my time in the word one morning this week. I have been using an old Bible of my Father's that I found during our move for my study recently. He has it all marked up and I have enjoyed reading some of his notes. When I started reading that scripture in his Bible, I couldn't believe what I saw.

You see, my parents were on staff at Salem for about 3 years, just enough time to bring me and my little brother into this world and leave an impact on people here. There are many at Salem that remember me about Presley's age running around. I do not have any memories of our time here as I was about 3 years old when we moved. Thirty years ago my parents were praying that exact same scripture over their time at Salem. 

I thank my parents for raising me and my brothers to love The Bride (the local church) and they gave us an amazing example how to share both the gospel and authentic lives with others. 

I was reminded that we are on God's timeline and plan. Salem is 120 years old. Our family is only here for a blip on that large timeline. God has used so many amazing men and women over the years to lead and serve at Salem and we are just humbled that he has chose us for a time like this.  

And to think, if we had chosen "our" way to stay put and stay comfortable, we would be missing this amazing ride!

Closing one chapter and starting a new one

2 weeks ago I weaned Stetson 

88 months ago I found out I was pregnant with Payton

In the last 88 months I have spent:

44 months pregnant

52 months breastfeeding

8 months pregnant and breastfeeding

4 months not pregnant or breastfeeding

Gained and lost 150 pounds

Held 4 new babies in my arms

Sent 1 baby to heaven earlier than expected 

I am so so thankful for each one of our babies and for the fact I was able to breastfeed.

The chapter of having babies and nourishing them from me has ended. 

These past 7+ years have given me a glimpse of sacrificial love. 

We close this chapter and look forward to what the future holds.

 A little trip down memory lane

PAYTON

I went 1 whole month longer, 2.5 weeks overdue!

Payton 6 months old and she had cheeks!

COLTON

PRESLEY

STETSON

 

And now we are a family of 6, starting a new season of life!

Music for my soul

Music has a way of reaching my soul. An intimate time of worship is such an intimate conversation between my heart and God's. It doesn't even have to be in a church corporate worship time. Some of the most intimate moments have been by myself listening to music whether in the car or at home.

These past few months there have been a few songs that have really been powerful to me and our time of transition and seeking the Lord's direction for our lives.

Oceans by Hillsong United

This song was my prayer during the months we prayed over the decision to leave Olathe and move our family to Ohio. All the words of the song were so appropriate with our decision to leave our home, friends, and church we loved so much to move to a place we never imagined we would live and start over.

"Oceans" lyrics

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine 

Wake Up by All Sons & Daughters

We sang this song our last day at Indian Creek and it was the first time I had heard it. The last few lines that are repeated was a perfect prayer as we worshiped one last time in Olathe, heading to Ohio.

here we stand our hearts are yours, Lord
not our will but yours be done, Lord

 

Lyrics:

We have seen the pain
that shaped our hearts
And in our shame
We're still breathing, 'cause

We have seen the hope
of your healing
Rising from our souls
is the feeling
We are drawing close
Your light is shining through
Your light is shining through

Wake up, wake up, wake up
wake up all you sleepers
Stand up, stand up
Stand up all you dreamers
Hands up, hands up
Hands up all believers
Take up your cross, carry it on

all that you reveal
with light in us
will come to life
and start breathing, 'cause

here we stand our hearts are yours, Lord
not our will but yours be done, Lord (3x-4x) 

My Heart is Yours by Kristian Stanfill

Ironically I heard this last song in person at IYC this past July. I worked on staff backstage and met the Passion band. I thought it was a great song, but at the time my heart and mind were so cluttered with busyness of just having a baby (5 week old) and traveling to Nashville for a week with all the kids.

Right after I took the picture above, I drove out of Olathe with only Stetson in the van. Steve had left a few days earlier with the older 3 kids so it would be easier for us and the packers to load up our home. I was about an hour outside of Olathe, Stetson was asleep and I was praying about the whole transition. This song came on the radio and this time my heart was so ready for it. Those were the only tears I cried in this transition. My heart was overflowing with sadness about the chapter that was closing, but with great expectancy for what God had for the future. We knew God had asked us to go, so the words in this song were a great prayer that day. 

I give You my life
I give You my trust
Jesus
You are my God
You are enough
Jesus

My heart is Yours
My heart is Yours
Take it all
Take it all
My life in Your hands

I lay down my life
And take up my cross
Jesus
For You are my God
Whatever the cost
Jesus
For You, Jesus

All to Jesus I surrender
All to You I freely give
I will ever love and trust You
In Your presence I will live 

This past week I was worn out. Stetson is up 3 times a night since the move and at least 1 of the other kids is usually up as well. One night this past week I was up 6 times with the kids and I woke up wanting to stick my head in a hole and call in for a day off. I was completely exhausted and could tell I had no patience for the kids, as they were acting like kids :) 

Thankfully we have become friends with a wonderful lady named Sandy here in Ohio. She has been a huge blessing and frankly the kids ask for me to leave so she can come over. Both her daughters are grown and married, no grandkids of her own, and she has loved on our children and she is truly gifted to work with them. She finds ways to bring life lessons into almost every situation and is able to speak to the kids on their level so well. 

This particular morning after no sleep, Sandy was already planning on coming over, instead of running errands with out kids, I went to a local coffee shop and turned my worship music up super loud in my ear phones and had a time of restoration for my heart. It is amazing what an hour of worship music can do to my soul. As I got back in the van to head home, My Heart is Yours came on, I felt like God was almost winking on me, reminding me that He has me covered.  

Team Southards is making a move

 In November, Team Southards is packing up and moving to Ohio!

That is the short version of the story, below you will find the much longer version (but believe it or not, somewhat abbreviated).

This month Steve and I celebrate 10 years of marriage. We met in 2003 in Washington D.C. and were married the next year in Bradenton, FL where we started in ministry as a Youth Pastor (note: I will say "we" the whole time, but really Steve is the only one paid but we partner in ministry so much, that it is a "we").  Our first few years in ministry were so rich and fruitful, we still have great friends from Bradenton and it holds a very special place in our hearts. It doesn't hurt our date nights were watching the sun set over the ocean, not a bad way to start life together. When an opportunity came up to be a part of a Church plant in Orlando, we sought the Lord's guidance. I remember laying on the beach under the stars praying over the decision with Steve. I told him I would be quite alright with God aligning the stars in the sky to say "Orlando" or "Bradenton", I know He is capable of it, but He doesn't always work the way we would like him to. After much prayer, we really felt like the Lord gave us a choice to stay or go and that He would bless it either way.

We made the tough choice to go be a part of a new ministry.

Orlando was a great growing time. We were part of a wonderful team there and knew our role was to help launch the church and then get out of the way for others to step in and takeover. The original plan was for us to go church plant afterwards, but through that experience we realized we are better "builders than starters." We were at a crossroads to stay or go (the other members of the launch team had either moved on to plant or had committed long-term to the church there) when Indian Creek in Olathe, KS contacted us about being the Adult Ministries Pastor with the vision to launch another campus. We both knew pretty quickly that this was the next step God had for us in ministry. When we had visited Olathe about moving here, we really looked at the city thinking we would be here 20+ years, that this would be where our kids would call home.

Even though I was on board and excited about moving, Steve and I had one of the biggest fights of our marriage while moving out to KS. We had rented a cabin in TN on our way out to have a few R&R nights before arriving in KS. Let's just say, it wasn't a pleasant time. Looking back, I was totally irrational and emotional (neither of which I am that often) and I was mourning leaving "home." Florida was all I ever knew as home. We moved there when I was almost 5-years-old and flip-flops and tank-tops were what I knew. I am not sure what we even were fighting about (isn't that how it happens) but we both distinctly remember that time, and I am not sure we will ever laugh about it. 

I remember the evening we pulled into Olathe it started to snow. It was early January and I was in for the shock of my life, a real winter (compared to the Florida ones where I would lay out on Christmas Day). 

We arrived in Olathe as a family of 2.

We will leave as a family of 6!

We have called Olathe home for almost 7 years. It really is that to us. 

H O M E

That is why when we have received calls over the past few years about taking a Lead Pastor role at other churches it was pretty easy to say "Thanks but no thanks."

We are so happy here. 

 We gave birth to all 4 kids here.

We are a part of a ministry we love here.

We have traditions established here.

We have people we love so deeply here.

We are loved deeply by others here.
We have a family lake house near here.

We have a house we love here.
We (aka Steve) has good hunting here.
We have family farms near here.

We have a plan for the future here.

But God had a different plan.

A church in Dayton, OH contacted us in April about considering the Lead Pastor position at their church, Salem Church of God. To be honest, my first thought was "Ohio?!?! Thanks but no thanks, isn't Ohio REALLY cold and I am a Gator (University of Florida), I don't like Ohio State." Those were my super spiritual thoughts about Ohio :)

After some conversation with a few of our mentors, we decided there was something different about this opportunity and we didn't want to shut the door too quickly. So prayerfully we decided to walk the journey until God closed the door or we had direction from Him to stay. 

The rest of the story and details on how we got to the place where we are packing up our family and stepping out in faith to head to Salem as the Lead pastor might not make sense to many people. This has been one of the toughest, most on-our-knees-in-prayer decisions we have made as a couple. We didn't want to get this wrong.

But that is Faith, not always knowing how things are going to work out, or even knowing 2 steps ahead, but trusting our Good and Gracious Heavenly Father has a better plan that we do. 

We love Indian Creek and have been loved on by the people of Indian Creek. God has done some incredible things in us and through us while here in Olathe.

We have visited Salem three times and it is so apparent we will be loved by the people of Salem. We have experienced an abundance of love and encouragement before we have even officially arrived there.

In my Beth Moore study this semester (her new one Children of the Day) a verse stuck out so boldly to me and has become my prayer for the people of Salem.

1 Thessalonians 2:8 (ESV)

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

My prayer is for my heart to expand abundantly for the people of Salem and for the community surrounding. We go to share the gospel and our lives and my prayer is for them to become very dear to us. They have already become so dear in our few visits there.

We are so sad to leave Olathe, to leave Home. But we get really excited to think that God has an adventure waiting for us. We know this wasn't our plan, this was all God.  Since He is in it, we have confidence to step forward. This next season will be rich. We know it will stretch and grow us as individuals, as a couple and as a family. 

We don't have all the details figured out for the move (timing, housing, school, etc) but we do know God has gone before us and surrounds us and will guide us in our path. We have seen His hand all over this situation already and we look forward to seeing how He works in a way that only an omnipotent God can.

While we were gone

First time Steve has worn KU gear, we were headed to a KU basketball game and our friends insisted he wear appropriate attire.

Steve and I are so thankful for the wonderful people who love on our kids while we have date nights. Being that we do not live near any family to watch the kids while we get time alone, we are so blessed to have a few families who love our kids as if they were their own family. The kids look forward to our date night and often double check that they are staying at our friends home and we are leaving.  As you will see below, they have much more fun without us.

Resting in my Father's arms

Psalms 131:1-2

"Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me."

As I have a 4 year-old and 2 year-old that have been weaned and a 4 month old still breastfeeding this verse made me stop and think this morning.

When a child is weaned from the breast it's often not an easy process for the baby. Why? Because he will long for the comfort of the breast - that's all he's ever known and every time he's close to his mother's chest he begins to think about eating. It's the most comfortable place for an infant, so when it's time to consume real food and to spend less time on the breast there's a deep inner longing to be right back into the place of comfort that he knows so well.

However, after a few days/weeks of steady routine the baby forgets the whole thing and begins to crave real food. At this moment he's been weaned - no longer craving the breast but fully capable of resting against his mother without cooing for her breast. This is the picture of this verse - it's our responsibility to quiet our souls to a point where we no longer crave the things we used to crave (whatever those things may be for you) and we can rest against our Savior without carrying our bag of "wants" to Him. Imagine a two year old toddler (who can talk) laying against his mother's chest always asking the mom "can I breast feed again?" It would get old fast! But you can imagine the feeling a mother has when her child is resting upon her chest, not asleep but fully content with just "being" close to mom, with no wants or complaints, just still, alone with mom - it warms her heart in a way that nothing else in this world can. This is the picture David wants us to see here - still your soul, lay yourself in the lap of your Savior, put your head against His chest, be content with just "being" with Him, get alone, don't ask for anything, just relax.

He will take care of you.

Be a weaned child today!

There will be a day when...

There will be a day when...

My husband comes home from work and we can sit and talk uniterrupted

I will be able to take as long as I want to get dressed

I won't be woken up at night for feedings, diapers or nightmares

My house will be clean

My laundry will be caught up (well that might one might not happen)

I can make dinner without tripping over toys or children

I won't feel like a servant cooking and cleaning up ALL day long

I can decorate how I want without worrying which 2 hands will see this as an object to throw

My kitchen floors won't be covered in crumbs (only reason I want a dog)

I won't hear the arguing in the back seat

I won't be the mom of "that child" having the public meltdown

I won't have to dress little bodies, tie shoes and carry a bunch of coats in the winter

I can run errands whenever I want without figuring out how to keep multiple little bodies near me or who can watch them

I will be able to sit and read a book or magazine without interruption

I won't have a closet full of different size clothes that fluctuate with my body weight from babies

I can exercise without having to work around feeding schedules so I don't have full boobs knocking me out while I run/move

I will have an actual waist again

I won't have to referee the hair pulling

I can have a date night with my husband without the logistics of who watches the kids

My day won't revolve around nap schedules

But there will be a day I miss...

Little hands holding mine

Big eyes on sweet faces that think I know everything

Afternoons watching them run free at the park

Excitement all over their faces

Contagious laughter

Watching my uninhibited children using their imagination for all sorts of things

Sweetly rocking my baby to sleep

Nurturing a body on breast milk alone

Cuddling and reading books together

Having the ability to heal boo boo's with kisses and hugs alone

Them wanting to be near me at all times

Feeling my unborn child move inside me

Watching them play and make up games together

Watching them defend each other to other kids

Them thinking I am cool

My husband and I sitting on the couch watching them play

Watching my 2-year-old be a BOY 

Laughing inside as my 4-year-old tries to use words she has heard but doesn't know the meaning of

Feeling like I can still protect them from this world

Listening to their innocent prayers and view of God

There are seasons of life. 

Every season has it's good days and bad.

Today I feel like I can't catch up with life.

This is my reminder that this season doesn't last forever and I am so thankful for the wonderful things I experience now.

Home to me

Olathe, KS is home to me. 

There, I said it, this once-so-prideful-to-hail-from-Florida-girl has become a Midwesterner at heart. 

Last night Steve and I attended a gathering of pastors from churches all over Olathe. Many of these men have served in their same churches 25+ years, pouring their very heart and soul into Olathe. Gary Kendall, our lead pastor is one of them. Our Mayor was there to encourage us, and my heart stirred knowing those men's stories (long-term ministry here) could very well be our story. Steve and I knew when we moved here 5 years ago that this could be home for a long time. We looked at the city wondering if this would be the only city our kids knew as home. Some pastors move around a lot, some stay for the long-run. We are completely open to God moving us, but last night I felt in my heart again, that this is home, for now, for awhile, and possibly for a very long time. I want to set my roots here, dig my teeth into this city. I want my heart to break for the things around this city that break the heart of God. I want to commit to serve my city, finding ways to use my God-given gifts to bless the lives of others. I want to be a part of a team of leaders in our church that are passionate to reach the people all around them for Christ. 

So Olathe, you have taken up big-time real estate in my heart. I thank God for that, and I thank God for the people all over this city. For the ones I already call friend and those I don't know yet. 

I am thankful for airplanes that can still get me to my family in Florida in 3 hours. The pieces of my heart that are still in Florida are in my family there. And I still have a little pride when it comes to bleeding orange and blue (Gators my friends) not red and blue (Jayhawks) like so many here, but hey we all have areas we are working on. 

Baby Quilt

A girlfriend (who has great style) had a son almost a year ago. When I saw her quilt for the first time, I thought she had to get that from Etsy or some boutique, it was the cutest baby quilt I had ever seen.

 Here is her quilt (That has been used a lot and is still in great shape)

When I asked where she got it, I was floored that she said Kathy. Larry and Kathy have watched our kids for our date nights ever since Payton was little. I knew Kathy sewed a lot, but didn't know she was into quilting. I had to find Kathy and give her a hard time, asking how we missed the baby quilt train. She said she actually made one for Colton (it was her first one she tried) and she thought it turned out so terrible that she threw it away. I sweetly smiled and said we would love to have one for our baby growing in my belly. (Which Colton did get a beautiful homemade quilt from Steve's grandma Granny Southards, so he wasn't too hard off).

Fast forward to my shower this past weekend. I was super excited, especially since I knew Kathy would have the quilt. She had come over a few weeks earlier and let me have input on style and color. She was the one that suggested the chevron design. Needless to say, I was extremely thrilled with how it turned out. I love the classic look. The amazing thing is too, that Kathy made the quilt in 3 days! Yes 3 days, she got the fabric late (from ordering it online) and Larry had surgery late last week, so she cranked this beauty out in 3 days! 

 

The back had a few fun colorful lines too (it is mostly pink)

The colors match the nursery. It is hard to tell but the pink and turquoise have very subtle pattern on them. 

Kathy is starting to sell her quilts in her daughter's Etsy store. They are reasonably priced and if you are looking for something personalized and beautiful for yourself or a baby shower gift, check with Kathy. She is a perfectionist and very humble, and does an amazing job!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/jennyjustjenny

What a difference a year makes

One year ago I was laying in the ICU, receiving a blood transfusion and fighting for my life (quite unaware how bad I really was). We had just miscarried at 16 weeks and my body was fighting itself after the surgery to remove our baby. You can read all about it HERE, HERE, HERE.

Fast forward a very rough year for me. If you somewhat follow me at all you know I have been on physical and emotional roller coasters this past year.  I was reflecting on the whole situation and I stand in such a place of gratitude. Grateful for my life, for God's hand so evident in my life and for perspective. I am more excited about the arrival of baby girl then I think I was for either of my other children. Not just because this pregnancy has been harder, but I have a new appreciation for every little healthy life. 

We are not promised an easy life. We will experience trials, but I believe there is a good God watching over us. I believe he walked so intimately with me during that loss and trial. I have a different appreciation for my relationship with him since that time. 

I was looking back over pictures of my trip with Steve to the beach right after our miscarriage and my health scare. Remember, the Lord had a trip on the calendar for just me and Steve (no kids) less than one week after I went through everything. I remember it being such a peaceful time, and even now looking back at the pictures I am overcome with peace. I was reading THIS post about our time and came across this quote again that a girlfriend had text me while at the beach

"When we give God the highest glory, He gives us His deepest peace"

God was so faithful, we did our best to glorify him throughout the process and he was so good to give us such deep rooted peace. 

So here we sit a year later, grateful, humbled, forever changed.

Bringing up BeBe - Book Review

I just finished reading "Bringing up Bebe," written by an American woman raising her kids in Paris, gleaming wisdom from the French way of parenting. The author, Pamela Druckerman, noticed that the French children were much better behaved then American children, slept through the night earlier, ate a wide variety of foods, didn't consume the adults world and much more. She went on a mission to figure out what the French are doing right. The disclaimer is that not everything they do is the better, the culture is so different from us. But here are a few of my takeaways and quotes from the book.

• DELIVERY - pg 30 - "Very few women make a fuss about this (medicated vs non-medicated delivery). French women often ask where I plan to deliver, but never how. They don't seem to care. In France, the way you give birth doesn't situate you within a value system or define the sort of parent you'll be. It is, for the most part, a way of getting your baby safely from your uterus into your arms. In French, giving birth without an epidural isn't called "natural" childbirth. It's call "giving birth without an epidural."      I had to laugh at this one. I am guilty of this, does without an epidural prove anything? No not really. But the cultural we live in places so much emphasis one way or another, like you love your child more, or you will be a better mom if you choose a certain route over the other. I know women who wanted no epidural, who ended up getting one and either felt defeated or like they needed to justify it. Just some food for thought.

• SLEEPING - It is assumed that babies will be "Doing their nights" (sleeping through the night) by the latest of 3 months old in France. Pamela figured out the difference was the "Pause." Not rushing to your baby every time it makes a sound, but learning your child's rhythm. You give your baby a chance to self-sooth, don't automatically respond, even from birth. Babies make a lot of movements and noises while they are sleeping, this is normal and fine. If parents rush in  and pick the baby up every time he makes a peep, they'll sometimes wake him up. The French also understand sleep cycles, which last about 2 hours. It is normal for the baby to cry a bit when they are learning to connect these cycles. If a parent automatically jumps to the baby when they hear them cry, assuming it is a demand for food or a sign of distress, the baby will have a hard time self-soothing and connecting these cycles on their own. The baby will learn to need an adult to come during each of those cycle transitions and soothe them back to sleep. Babies do need to be picked up at times, but if you don't pause and observe them, you won't know for sure. Give your babies a chance to learn on their own. The French don't resort to "crying it out" as kids get older, because they have given them a chance to learn to fall asleep on their own. You only have until 4 months old to utilize the "Pause" method, after that bad habits have been formed. The "Pause" is what the author names this theory, for the French this is just common sense.      pg 49 "When I talk to American parents about sleep, science rarely comes up. Faced with so many different and seemingly valid sleep philosophies, the one they ultimately choose seems like a matter of taste. But once I get French parents talking, they mention sleep cycles, circadian rythms, and sommeil paradoxal. They know that one reason babies cry in the night is that they're between sleep cycles or they're in sommeilagite. When these parents said they observed their babies, they meant that they were training themselves to recognize these stages. When French parents pause, they do it consistently and confidently. They're making informed decisions based on their understanding of how babies sleep. Behind this is an important philosophical difference. French parents believe it's their job to gently teach their babies how to sleep well, the same way they'll later teach then to have good hygiene, eat balanced meals, and ride a bike. They don't view being up half the night with an 8-month-old as a sign of parental commitment. They view it as sign that the child has a sleep problem and that his family is wildly out of balance."

• LEARNING TO WAIT FOR MARSHMALLOWS - Walter Mischel did a test on children (4-5 years old) leading them into a room with a marshmallow on the desk. He tells them he is going to leave the room for a bit and when he comes back if the marshmallow is still there, the child will get to have 2 marshmallow's to eat. If the marshmallow is eaten while he is gone, the child only get's the one he ate. He found "the kids who manage to wait very easily are the ones who learn to during the wait to sing little songs to themselves or pick their ears in an interesting way, or play with their toes and make a game of it." The ones who didn't know how to distract themselves and just fixated on the marshmallow ended up eating it. The French allow their children to "WAIT." It is even part of their vernacular. Instead of saying "quiet" or "stop" to rowdy kids, French parents often tell them in a sharp tone to "wait." Mischel believes that self-control has become increasingly difficult for American children. A mom who can't talk on the phone for a few moments because a child is pulling on her, has a child that has not learned to distract themselves, exhibit self-control and wait. The French parents don't explicitly teach their children distraction techniques, they just give a lot of opportunity to practice waiting, not jumping to their every demand. 

• FRUSTRATION -  French kids do not get everything they demand. They don't get the toy in the store because they throw a fit for it. p73 "French parents don't worry that they are going to damage their kids by frustrating them. To the contrary, they think their kids will be damaged if they can't cope with frustration. They also treat coping with frustration as a core life skill. Their kids simply have to learn it. The parents would be remiss if they didn't teach it." p. 84 "Do you know the surest means of making your child miserable? It is to accustom him to getting everything. Since his desires grow constantly due to the ease of satisfying them, sooner or later powerlessness will force you, in spite of yourself, to end up with a refusal. And this accustomed refusal will give him more torment then being deprived of what he desires." The biggest parenting trap is to think that because a child can argue will, his argument deserves the same weight as your own. You are the parent. The French are very strict about certain things but very relaxed about almost everything else. The create very strict, wide boundaries, then give their children a lot of freedom to roam in those boundaries. 

• FRANCOISE DOLTO is a household parenting name in France. She doesn't have a "parenting philosophy" but has a lot of specific instructions. One principle is the children are rational people, babies understand what you are saying to them and you can teach them a lot, even while they young. She believed that children could absorb and handle limits, when a parent takes time to teach and understand their child. It is a balance between listening to children and being clear that it is the parents who are in charge. Dolto was excellent at raising her own three children (which unfortunately is unusual for parenting experts) and one thing her daughter talks about is her parents never made her do her homework, she was in charge of that, but she would be in "detention" for bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman (who is one of my favorite parenting guys) has the same philosophy that is so counter to what many people do. Kids are responsible for their homework, parents do not nag or remind them. Parents are willing to help if asked, but kids are in charge of it. If they don't do their homework, and their grades fall, there are consequences. 

• GUILT - This is a passion of mine. I watch so many moms ridden with guilt. I am not sure where we learned this, but listen to the moms you know, guilty feelings are pouring out of their hearts.  How many times do you hear a mom say "I am a bad mother" or make an excuse for some choice she made. p 146 "For American mothers, guilt is an emotional tax we pay for going to work, not buying organic vegetables, or plopping our children in front of the TV so we can surf the internet or make dinner. If we feel 'guilt' it's easier to do those things." French mom's are tempted to feel guilty as well, but they consider it unhealthy or unpleasant and try to banish it. One things that really helps French women not feel guilty is they are convinced it is unhealthy for mothers and children to spend all their time together. They believe there is a risk of smothering kids with attention. Of course there is a balance to this (like everything in life).

• MARRIAGE FIRST - Even American parenting books preach to put the marriage first, but so many couples have a problem actually doing this. p. 186 "The couple is the most important. It's the only thing that you chose in your life. You children, you didn't choose. You chose your husband. So, you're going to make your life with him. So you have an interest in it going well. Especially when your children leave, you want to get along with him." The French don't see quality time together as a couple as an aftermath, but as a top priority.  The take time away (often extended) from their children annually if not more regularly then that. And they do it without feeling guilty. 

• WORDS YOU SPEAK - p. 229 "French parents often invoke the language of rights. Instead of saying 'Don't hit Jules,' they typically say, 'You don't have the right to hit Jules.' The French phrasing suggest that there's a fixed and coherent system of rights, which both children and adults can refer to. It also makes it clear that the child does have the right to do other things." p. 229 "Another phrase that adults use a lot with children is 'I don't agree,' as in, 'I don't agree with you pitching your peas on the floor.' Parents say this in a serious tone, while looking directly at the child. 'I don't agree' is more than just 'no.' It establishes the adults is another mind, which the child must consider. And it credits the child with having it's own view on the peas, even if the view is being overruled. Pitching the peas is cast as something the child has rationally decided to do, so he can decide to do otherwise, too."

• INDEPENDENCE -  The French stress autonomy for their children. Not that American's don't want the same, but many parents try to be as physically present as possible, to protect their kids from harm and to smooth emotional turbulence for them. p. 246 "The most important thing is that a child will be, in full security, autonomous as early as possible. The trap of the relationship between parents and children is not recognizing the true needs of the child, of which freedom is one ... The child has the need to feel 'loved in what he is becoming,' sure of himself in a space, day by day more freely left to his own exploration, to his personal experience, and in his relations with those his own age."

She Showed Up

In February I wrote THIS post about my opinions of McDonald's, but more importantly about following the prompting of God's spirit to speak to an outspoken Atheist at McDonald's playplace.  I just went back and read the post myself, and it almost brought me to tears. 

The condensed version for those who don't want to read the whole previous post (which I completely understand) is that I was at McDonalds and the kids were playing the pla place. I was sick and really didn't want to be there. I overheard 2 women's conversation. One was a Atheist and one was a Christian who was doing a great job discussing topics with the Atheist. I felt God prompting me to share my story with the Atheist. I fought it, I don't like those conversations (really any conversation with someone who wants to debate Christianity). 

Finally I had to either share my story or leave the place and know I was disobedient, so I shared about our miscarriage and my brush with death and God's sovereignty in it all. Long story short (since this was supposed to be the condensed version) I invited her to church and really expected her to show up. 

That was 6-and-half months ago. I would think about her time-to-time as I drove past McDonalds and would say a prayer for her.

TODAY SHE WAS AT CHURCH!!!!!!!

Actually she has been at church for a month, I just spotted her for the first time today.

After church, most everyone was gone (pastor's family is one of the last to leave) and my kids were running around with some older kids. The mom walked by on her way out and said something about Buster being so cute. I said thanks, then took a look at her and knew she looked familiar. Which could have been because she was at church, and I recognize a lot of faces.

Then it hit me, it was Tabitha (the Atheist) from McDonalds.

I said, "Didn't I meet you at McDonalds and isn't your name Tabitha?" 

She was floored that I remembered her name. I don't think she recognized me until I said something. Sure enough, she has been attending The Creek for a month. Her kids love Sunday School and she says the sermon's have a really good message about Love. She likes that we serve our community (ICCC does do a great job, loving and serving our community around us.) Her husband and all 4 kids were there. I was just floored.

I introduced her to Steve and she said she knows it is a big deal for an Atheist, then she corrected her self and said an Agnostic like herself to be in church, but she really felt at home here. 

Ladies and gentlemen she is working her way down the list and I believe soon enough she will understand the love God has for her and will see herself as God sees her, a Child of His! Once she does, I know her life will be forever changed and her family's life will be completely different. 

So there we have it, Tabitha showed up after almost 6 months. This just encourages me to follow the leading of the Spirit and trust God with the results. Many times we will never see the results of our obedience, but I am so grateful that I get to watch this journey.