Thursday, January 12, 2012

A whirlwind

That is what the last 60 hours of my life has been.

A whirlwind

Thank you to everyone who has been praying, I believe God has answered those prayer over and over again. If you haven't read the recent happenings, read HERE and HERE.

Let me provide a little more detail (for those who care and for my memory as well). After my D&E (not D&C that is more common) Tuesday, I came home feeling great, just bleeding a lot. I didn't understand the magnitude of blood loss at that time, but it wasn't good. After talking a few times with the Dr and nurses, we were just waiting to see if my body would start healing itself. Finally at 6pm the Dr who preformed our surgery (the one I asked specifically for prayer for) called us and asked us to meet him at his office to check a few things to see why I was bleeding. As I got out of the van to enter his office, blood gushed out of me all over the ground. I had this happen a few other times in the day. I felt like one of Steve's deer that he kills that just leak blood everywhere (not a pretty image, I know).

After examining me in the office, he said we needed to go to the ER for further testing. A sure sign for him was both of my hands and one arm were swollen and bruised where they had taken blood or inserted IV's earlier in the day.  As I got up from the exam table I fell to the ground. Steve picked me up and I collapsed once again, this time I might have blacked out for a moment.  That is what earned me my first ride in the ambulance. I was very coherent at this point and joking the EMT riding with me. Steve said that moment watching me tied to a gurney and placed in the ambulance was one of the scariest things he has ever experienced.

Once in the ER, I had people swarming me, hooking up more IV's, getting me into a hospital gown, swarming all around. The ironic things is throughout the whole process, I really never was in pain. I was talking and joking with most of the staff. Let me put my gratitude in here for all you amazing medical personnel who save peoples lives daily.

They determined I had DIC (Disseminated intravascular coagulation). Layman terms, my blood was not clotting, so I kept bleeding. The hematologist guesses I lost between 30-40% of my blood in 7 hours, causing the fainting episode. I guess I looked really bad in the ER, Steve and my dad thought it was a good things I couldn't see myself, as I might have realized how bad off I was.

I was eventually moved into ICU so I could receive a blood transfusion, frozen plasma, cyro (for clotting) and all sorts of other stuff. I had to have at least 20 bags of stuff injected into my body.  That was a rough night, as someone was touching or poking me every 15 minutes. I am so thankful thought for the nursing staff who took care of me.

Many people thought I would be in ICU for much longer than I was. By morning my blood levels had somewhat "normalized" and I was released by 11 am to go home. I do believe it is God's hand of healing that helped me recover so quickly, as well as me being young and healthy they could pump me full real fast. My body responded better than anyone would have imagined.

The hematologists things that my body was fighting itself. Since the baby was inside of me but hadn't grown in three weeks, it was starting to break apart and liquify. My body started using things (not a medical term) from my blood/body to fight off this foreign object inside of me. Once the baby was removed, my body was all messed up and my blood didn't have everything it needed to heal itself. Scary thing is that kind of things killed women before medicine and technology improved.  

I have been home resting now.  Taking it easy physically. Steve made a good point that we really haven't even had time to mourn the loss of our child, within 30 hours of finding out we had even miscarried, I was being rushed to the hospital. At that point my health became the priority. Steve and I have some time away by ourselves this next week (planned months ago) and we are so excited for the time to be husband and wife and to mourn our loss and count our blessings together.

A verse a friend shared with me the morning I was going into procedure that spoke to me

Psalm 46

  For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth. A song.

 1 God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.

 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

 7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

 8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”

 11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

I so believe God's providential hand was covering our situation. I am so thankful for the ways he has protected me. Here are some of the ways I know God was alive and active in the process

  • We have become close enough with our family doctor that we were able to text  him Sunday and he squeezed us into his schedule
  • Dad was in town for meetings and was able to jump right in and take care of the kids
  • The ultrasound tech gracefully handled the situation with professionalism and care
  • Our family doctor called around and got the name of the OB who did my procedure (D&E's are uncommon, there are only a few doctors in the area that do them)
  • Dr. Hodes is one of the best and he got us in for early Tuesday morning
  • I did not experience any cramping or nausea from the D&E
  • Dr. Hodes called us Tuesday evening to come meet him at his office after hours (doctors don't often do that). Our friends happen to be at our house dropping off dinner and they were able to stay with the kids as we went back to the Dr.
  • Once at the hospital we have 2 friends that are nurses that both happen to be working during our stay and both were a great help.
  • Dr. Hodes stayed with us in the ER until 10pm (remember we met him for the first time at morning). During the down time in the ER, my dad and Steve were able to have some great conversations with Dr. Hodes ( I really believe he might be part of the good things that come out of this experience)
  • My in-laws live withing driving distance and were able to get here in time for my dad to fly home.
  • My body responded better than anyone imagined. The wonderful physician who created my body is the only one who has control over that
  • I know there are more areas we saw the Lord's hand at work, but my memory seems to be failing me a lot right now.
That is the long version of my physical healing. As far as the emotional healing, I am really relying on the Lord for that. I have already had a few "reminders" of our new reality that have been painful for me. But I do not overlook the fact that I have 2 amazingly healthy children. I really don't understand the loss of a child for a woman who hasn't been able to conceive, or whom has had multiple miscarriages. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I want to honor and grieve the loss of a life, but not at the sacrifice of what I have right in front of me. I have experienced loss, we all experience loss at sometime in our lives. Loss looks different for each of us, but no matter the situation, there is a God who is in control and is faithful to lavish His love and blessings upon us.

Isaiah 41:10 
fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Thank you all for the prayers, words of encouragement, meals and support. We are so grateful for those we have in our lives. 


  1. I love you, Erin. I am speechless and in awe of the perspective God's given you. Praying for you guys.

  2. So thankful that God was watching over you. Will continue to pray for Healing, Strength, Peace and Comfort.

  3. A Miracle are in my heart. Dr. Hodes is amazing, he has been there for me on a few personal/medical emergencies and he delivered Ella. Dr. Nauser (his daughter) delivered Lil Man. They are truly the most genuine and caring in the medical field that I have come across. They have also supported me in more ways than they know in the loss of my mother shortly after Lil Man was born.

    Take the time to reflect and cherish the beautiful blessing you created with Steve.

    May you find, peace and comfort.


  4. You are in our prayers. So glad God is blessing you with healing right now! Toni and Bernie

  5. Erin! Thank you for sharing Your gratitude to GOD! He is in control and has a plan.. Your Loss is unimaginable but yet you seek GOD and are so THANK fuLL to those around you! GOD knows your heart and loves you and will be your comfort during this time of loss. YOU have many good people around you that will LOVE you Pray for you and LIFT your spirits during this loss. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Enjoy your time away with Steve next week!



  6. What a week for both of you guys, especially for you Erin. I am soooo soooo sorry for your loss and so thankful for your healing and health Erin. God is so amazing!! Thank you Lord for watching over you this week and for sending you an angel to be with you as well this week.

    God Bless and Much Love,
    Joel (JJ) :-)

  7. Oh Erin, I, like Alina am in awe. God's hand was all over your situation. I'm glad you guys will have some time away next week. I'm praying for you guys!

  8. Erin- I've been keeping up with your blogging, always inspiring! Just want you to know that I have been praying for you. Reading about this past experience brought back many memories for me. I have been there (in more ways than you know or have time to hear about) having more miscarriages than I care to type, and a couple of them pretty far along; 2 that have happened since having Karly, it is a bitter sweet experience. God has always given my the grace & understanding I need in the difficult moments to keep pressing through. Its His gentle reminders that He knows what is best for us. I also rest assured that though on this earth I have just one amazing little girl I know that I have an entire team of angels in heaven cheering me on. My flesh occasionally is filled with saddens over the experience, yet my spirit is in complete peace knowing they are with the ultimate Father. It is a journey we are on! The best advice I can give is let it bring you & Steve even closer together, and never take a day with your little 2 forgranted- they truly are a gift from God. Lots of Hugs & prayers!

  9. Hi Erin,

    So glad to hear that you're doing as well as you are. You've not been far from my thoughts all week and we've been praying for you and Steve daily. Glad you're taking time to rest and recover and I'm so happy you and Steve will have a bit of time away soon......have been praying that that will be a great time of healing for you both. Again, if there's anything we can help with, don't hesitate ask!

    Much love, Dearie...

  10. Erin,
    I am so sorry for yours and Steve's loss...just want you to know i am thinking of you and praying the Lord's grace and peace continue to surround you guys.
    love to your family,

  11. You are such a strong and amazing lady! Praying for you and Steve and your children. You are so full of grace and are a wonderful example of overcoming adversity. Love to you all!!

  12. Erin and Steve-I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your complications. Thank God that all worked together for you through all of this. The nurse in me says - be sure to take care of yourself mentally and physically - you have been through so much in a very short time. We are praying for you! Love Beth and Bill