Christmas Update

We had a wonderfully simple and low-key holiday season. The weekend before Christmas we were able to head to the farms overnight to celebrate with my mother-in-laws side of the family. I love spending time with family over the holidays and the kids love roaming the farms. 

Buster and Big Papa

 It was so cold outside but Buster did not care, he wanted to ride the tractor and throw rocks at the farm. I love that he is all BOY!

Christmas Eve was a great service at church, Steve delivered a great sermon filled with Hope for so many that don't have any. We had 2 services then went to our friends house to enjoy some dinner with friends. The kids loved staying up late, running around with their friends, eating all sorts of holiday junk!

 Christmas Day we were home alone in our PJ's all day. Christmas used to be so hard for me living far from family, but as our kids have gotten older, I really do enjoy being home with them and laying low on Christmas. We love having family around when we can, but there is something sweet and simple about being home together, just enjoying each other.

Reading Christmas Story before presents

I love this pic of these 2. They are in such a sweet stage right now, really caring for each other.

The only thing Sister really wanted for Christmas was a doggie that walked, talked and had batteries. Yes someone might have encouraged the batteries because that means there is an off switch. She talks about a real puppy but she knows we won't even consider that until we are done having babies. No babies and doggies. While we were taking the picture above, the dog started barking every time the flash went off.

 She figured out which box the barking came from and got super excited.

Needless to say this was the first present opened. My in-laws had gotten her the dog and they said it would bark at random times to them over the past few weeks. We have a video of her opening the present and it is priceless. Papa and Gigi got to experience her excitement through the video even though they weren't able to be here in person.

Buster really didn't care much about what he got, but he did get a few hats that really excited him.

It was a cold Christmas here. Steve and the kids hung up the bird feeder they got and they have loved watching the birds everyday. 

The day after Christmas my parents flew in. I had to thank them for leaving sunny warm Florida for cold Kansas. We had a great time with them here. One evening the adults went out for a fun date to the original Oklahoma Joes (in the gas station) and then went downtown to Circus de soleil. We had a blast!

Besides that we mostly hung out with my parents for the few days they were here.

Colton's favorite gift came from Grandpa, a Nerf shotgun. It is so much bigger then him, but the boy is in love. Dad got him some paper targets we taped to a door and the kids wants to shoot his gun all the time.

His big gift from Grandpa and Mimi was a balance bike, but we didn't even open that to a few days after Christmas because he didn't even care about it, he just kept playing with the gun. I am sure the bike will get great use this summer. 

He is still in love with his train track that he got for his birthday, that and the shotgun take up most of his playing time these days.

We had a great Holiday season. Now we have Sister's birthday this weekend then next up on our calendar is delivering a sweet baby girl!

Bringing up BeBe - Book Review

I just finished reading "Bringing up Bebe," written by an American woman raising her kids in Paris, gleaming wisdom from the French way of parenting. The author, Pamela Druckerman, noticed that the French children were much better behaved then American children, slept through the night earlier, ate a wide variety of foods, didn't consume the adults world and much more. She went on a mission to figure out what the French are doing right. The disclaimer is that not everything they do is the better, the culture is so different from us. But here are a few of my takeaways and quotes from the book.

• DELIVERY - pg 30 - "Very few women make a fuss about this (medicated vs non-medicated delivery). French women often ask where I plan to deliver, but never how. They don't seem to care. In France, the way you give birth doesn't situate you within a value system or define the sort of parent you'll be. It is, for the most part, a way of getting your baby safely from your uterus into your arms. In French, giving birth without an epidural isn't called "natural" childbirth. It's call "giving birth without an epidural."      I had to laugh at this one. I am guilty of this, does without an epidural prove anything? No not really. But the cultural we live in places so much emphasis one way or another, like you love your child more, or you will be a better mom if you choose a certain route over the other. I know women who wanted no epidural, who ended up getting one and either felt defeated or like they needed to justify it. Just some food for thought.

• SLEEPING - It is assumed that babies will be "Doing their nights" (sleeping through the night) by the latest of 3 months old in France. Pamela figured out the difference was the "Pause." Not rushing to your baby every time it makes a sound, but learning your child's rhythm. You give your baby a chance to self-sooth, don't automatically respond, even from birth. Babies make a lot of movements and noises while they are sleeping, this is normal and fine. If parents rush in  and pick the baby up every time he makes a peep, they'll sometimes wake him up. The French also understand sleep cycles, which last about 2 hours. It is normal for the baby to cry a bit when they are learning to connect these cycles. If a parent automatically jumps to the baby when they hear them cry, assuming it is a demand for food or a sign of distress, the baby will have a hard time self-soothing and connecting these cycles on their own. The baby will learn to need an adult to come during each of those cycle transitions and soothe them back to sleep. Babies do need to be picked up at times, but if you don't pause and observe them, you won't know for sure. Give your babies a chance to learn on their own. The French don't resort to "crying it out" as kids get older, because they have given them a chance to learn to fall asleep on their own. You only have until 4 months old to utilize the "Pause" method, after that bad habits have been formed. The "Pause" is what the author names this theory, for the French this is just common sense.      pg 49 "When I talk to American parents about sleep, science rarely comes up. Faced with so many different and seemingly valid sleep philosophies, the one they ultimately choose seems like a matter of taste. But once I get French parents talking, they mention sleep cycles, circadian rythms, and sommeil paradoxal. They know that one reason babies cry in the night is that they're between sleep cycles or they're in sommeilagite. When these parents said they observed their babies, they meant that they were training themselves to recognize these stages. When French parents pause, they do it consistently and confidently. They're making informed decisions based on their understanding of how babies sleep. Behind this is an important philosophical difference. French parents believe it's their job to gently teach their babies how to sleep well, the same way they'll later teach then to have good hygiene, eat balanced meals, and ride a bike. They don't view being up half the night with an 8-month-old as a sign of parental commitment. They view it as sign that the child has a sleep problem and that his family is wildly out of balance."

• LEARNING TO WAIT FOR MARSHMALLOWS - Walter Mischel did a test on children (4-5 years old) leading them into a room with a marshmallow on the desk. He tells them he is going to leave the room for a bit and when he comes back if the marshmallow is still there, the child will get to have 2 marshmallow's to eat. If the marshmallow is eaten while he is gone, the child only get's the one he ate. He found "the kids who manage to wait very easily are the ones who learn to during the wait to sing little songs to themselves or pick their ears in an interesting way, or play with their toes and make a game of it." The ones who didn't know how to distract themselves and just fixated on the marshmallow ended up eating it. The French allow their children to "WAIT." It is even part of their vernacular. Instead of saying "quiet" or "stop" to rowdy kids, French parents often tell them in a sharp tone to "wait." Mischel believes that self-control has become increasingly difficult for American children. A mom who can't talk on the phone for a few moments because a child is pulling on her, has a child that has not learned to distract themselves, exhibit self-control and wait. The French parents don't explicitly teach their children distraction techniques, they just give a lot of opportunity to practice waiting, not jumping to their every demand. 

• FRUSTRATION -  French kids do not get everything they demand. They don't get the toy in the store because they throw a fit for it. p73 "French parents don't worry that they are going to damage their kids by frustrating them. To the contrary, they think their kids will be damaged if they can't cope with frustration. They also treat coping with frustration as a core life skill. Their kids simply have to learn it. The parents would be remiss if they didn't teach it." p. 84 "Do you know the surest means of making your child miserable? It is to accustom him to getting everything. Since his desires grow constantly due to the ease of satisfying them, sooner or later powerlessness will force you, in spite of yourself, to end up with a refusal. And this accustomed refusal will give him more torment then being deprived of what he desires." The biggest parenting trap is to think that because a child can argue will, his argument deserves the same weight as your own. You are the parent. The French are very strict about certain things but very relaxed about almost everything else. The create very strict, wide boundaries, then give their children a lot of freedom to roam in those boundaries. 

• FRANCOISE DOLTO is a household parenting name in France. She doesn't have a "parenting philosophy" but has a lot of specific instructions. One principle is the children are rational people, babies understand what you are saying to them and you can teach them a lot, even while they young. She believed that children could absorb and handle limits, when a parent takes time to teach and understand their child. It is a balance between listening to children and being clear that it is the parents who are in charge. Dolto was excellent at raising her own three children (which unfortunately is unusual for parenting experts) and one thing her daughter talks about is her parents never made her do her homework, she was in charge of that, but she would be in "detention" for bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman (who is one of my favorite parenting guys) has the same philosophy that is so counter to what many people do. Kids are responsible for their homework, parents do not nag or remind them. Parents are willing to help if asked, but kids are in charge of it. If they don't do their homework, and their grades fall, there are consequences. 

• GUILT - This is a passion of mine. I watch so many moms ridden with guilt. I am not sure where we learned this, but listen to the moms you know, guilty feelings are pouring out of their hearts.  How many times do you hear a mom say "I am a bad mother" or make an excuse for some choice she made. p 146 "For American mothers, guilt is an emotional tax we pay for going to work, not buying organic vegetables, or plopping our children in front of the TV so we can surf the internet or make dinner. If we feel 'guilt' it's easier to do those things." French mom's are tempted to feel guilty as well, but they consider it unhealthy or unpleasant and try to banish it. One things that really helps French women not feel guilty is they are convinced it is unhealthy for mothers and children to spend all their time together. They believe there is a risk of smothering kids with attention. Of course there is a balance to this (like everything in life).

• MARRIAGE FIRST - Even American parenting books preach to put the marriage first, but so many couples have a problem actually doing this. p. 186 "The couple is the most important. It's the only thing that you chose in your life. You children, you didn't choose. You chose your husband. So, you're going to make your life with him. So you have an interest in it going well. Especially when your children leave, you want to get along with him." The French don't see quality time together as a couple as an aftermath, but as a top priority.  The take time away (often extended) from their children annually if not more regularly then that. And they do it without feeling guilty. 

• WORDS YOU SPEAK - p. 229 "French parents often invoke the language of rights. Instead of saying 'Don't hit Jules,' they typically say, 'You don't have the right to hit Jules.' The French phrasing suggest that there's a fixed and coherent system of rights, which both children and adults can refer to. It also makes it clear that the child does have the right to do other things." p. 229 "Another phrase that adults use a lot with children is 'I don't agree,' as in, 'I don't agree with you pitching your peas on the floor.' Parents say this in a serious tone, while looking directly at the child. 'I don't agree' is more than just 'no.' It establishes the adults is another mind, which the child must consider. And it credits the child with having it's own view on the peas, even if the view is being overruled. Pitching the peas is cast as something the child has rationally decided to do, so he can decide to do otherwise, too."

• INDEPENDENCE -  The French stress autonomy for their children. Not that American's don't want the same, but many parents try to be as physically present as possible, to protect their kids from harm and to smooth emotional turbulence for them. p. 246 "The most important thing is that a child will be, in full security, autonomous as early as possible. The trap of the relationship between parents and children is not recognizing the true needs of the child, of which freedom is one ... The child has the need to feel 'loved in what he is becoming,' sure of himself in a space, day by day more freely left to his own exploration, to his personal experience, and in his relations with those his own age."

Colton is 2!

Buster Bear is 2 years old!

Waffles with whip cream have become the birthday tradition in our house!

His way of showing he is 2 years old with his fingers (we are working on actually only have 2 fingers up)

Buster you are my passionate child. I used to call you bi-polar because you were either really happy or really ticked off, now I see it as passion. My prayer is God grants me wisdom to help direct that passion in the right direction.

You are all boy and I love it. You love to wrestle, to act big (showing off your muscles above), you love balls and cars. You are also my little lover boy. I would guess physical touch is your love language because you love to be held and loved on. You are a lover to others, but you sure love your momma. You are naturally more social than your sister. I love how you stand in the driveway and raise your arm to wave to cars that go by, even when they don't notice you.  

Oh trains, what else does a 2 year old boy need? I was amazed how you were so focused tonight on the trains.  Verbally you are slower then others, but physically you are above the curve. I can tell already you are a joker. It is so much fun to watch your personality grow.

One day you might hate this picture, but you are going to be surrounded by sisters, what can we say. I know there is enough boy in you that you stand your ground with all the girls around.

You sure love your sissy. You two play so well together right now. You don't stand for her pushing her way on you, but you two are a blast to watch together. You love mimicking her, even to the point that you will grab her boo and hold him like she does while sucking your fingers. You have adopted boo #2 to be your buddy to sleep with.

 Colton, I am so thankful to call you my son. You are a joy and blessing in our lives.

Payton's Christmas Program

Last night we had Payton's Christmas Program. What a difference a year makes. Last year she wasn't too sure about all the people. This year she thought it was cool that she got to sing from the stage that "Daddy preaches from." 

A video for the grandparents 

30 weeks!

We are 30 weeks along in this pregnancy! I feel more myself (emotionally) then I have yet this whole pregnancy. A girlfriend yesterday even said I seemed more myself, had more energy and glow that is normal for me. Physically I am, well, I am 30 weeks prego and feeling it. I have been trying to stay active doing my boot camp (a very mini version of it) and I think I did too many squats the other day because my pelvic bone felt like it had a baseball bat taken to it. I am trying to find good exercises for the 3rd trimester, let me know if you have any!

I am so thankful for how good I feel now, especially the emotional/hormonal side. I can handle physical discomfort, the emotional part sends me for a loop. 

The other day I realized that my mind is telling me I should be having a baby any day. As Sister was due Dec 29th and Buster Dec 24th. My mind thinks "hey I am big and prego, it is Christmas time, I should be having a baby." WRONG, you have over 2 months to go!

Merry Christmas to me :)

I ordered a gift for myself 2 months ago and it finally came! I knew it shipped a few days ago and I have been watching the mail! I have been wanting a monogrammed necklace and took a long time to decide exactly which one as I wanted it to be classic and something I would wear for a long time.  It wasn't cheap either (for a deal girl like me) but I have money saved up still from last Christmas and birthday, so it was time to spoil myself a bit. I got a Moon and Lola Monogrammed necklace from Swell Caroline. I am so pleased with it. My daily jewelry has become so simple, this might just become the newest every-day-wear piece for me.

Halloween, Florida & Thanksgiving

Since it is almost December and it has been a month since I posted, I thought it would be good to get caught up before we head into the Christmas season. 

My last post was about how difficult this pregnancy has been, I stand true to that post, but I am thankful to say as we have entered the 3rd trimester, the emotional/hormonal part has gotten better. I feel my mood is more positive. Physically I got on medicine for my heartburn/indigestion and I feel soooo good about that. I still feel big and full pregnant (and get comments every time in public about how big I look and having so long to go) but I am thankful for my health. I weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life (even full 42 weeks prego with Sister) and I can feel that weight, but I know it will come off after baby. Steve has narrowed the field down to 2 names, one of them is my top name, so we will see what name is chosen for little girl.

The kids and I were in Florida for Halloween. They had so much fun trick-or-treating with their cousins. It was also my grandmother's 91st birthday (on Halloween) so we were thankful to celebrate with her. My SIL had told me she was making a shark and mermaid costume for her kids and wanted to know if she could make them for mine, I was all game. She did an excellent job.

Grandma and Mom on Grandma's 91st Birthday

4 generations

Trick-or-treating

My little shark who wasn't sure about the hood and teeth

The Boys as sharks

The whole crew

Tears over the hood having to be worn for pictures

I met up with my best friend from college (Callie) one night for dinner. My time with her is always life giving. I love friends who know you and your story.

One night we put a movie on for the kids to watch. It was past Buster's bedtime and I went to put him down to find him cuddling in his great-grandma's lap. He sat there for 45 minutes without moving. Little Stinker got to stay up way past bedtime because there was no way I was taking him from her arms. He barely sits still long enough but what precious time for them to cuddle. 

The 4 great-grandkids (and dad because the boys didn't want to get in the picture). The next time we will be in Florida will be April. I asked grandma if she was planning on going anywhere before we come back in April, she proceeded to tell me she might go visit her niece. I said I was thinking more like going up the highway in the sky to heaven, she is 91, I don't take anything for granted. She has 2 great-grandkids being born in Feb/March (my SIL is pregnant and due right after me), so I told her she needs to stick around to see them. She said she is planning on it.

We did hit up Ikea before heading home.

 

Buster's first chopstick experience, both of my kids LOVE white rice!

 Our Thanksgiving plans every year involve getting together with Steve's family. We usually end up in St. Louis but have met at their lake house too. This year was special because it is Uncle Benny's first year away at college, so all the boys and their families were home for Thanksgiving. I didn't get any pics of the day, but we did go to a nursery that has over an acre of Poinsettias for Christmas. It was beautiful.

This was Payton's first year not scared of Santa. Brother didn't want to talk to him but she sat right down and gave him her list of things she wanted. 

We are so thankful for family to spend Thanksgiving with. Christmas is usually spent alone as Steve is preaching and we can't travel anywhere. I really like having our kids wake up in their own home for Christmas as well. We are heading to get our tree tonight and are looking forward to the wonderful holiday season!