Baby Quilt

A girlfriend (who has great style) had a son almost a year ago. When I saw her quilt for the first time, I thought she had to get that from Etsy or some boutique, it was the cutest baby quilt I had ever seen.

 Here is her quilt (That has been used a lot and is still in great shape)

When I asked where she got it, I was floored that she said Kathy. Larry and Kathy have watched our kids for our date nights ever since Payton was little. I knew Kathy sewed a lot, but didn't know she was into quilting. I had to find Kathy and give her a hard time, asking how we missed the baby quilt train. She said she actually made one for Colton (it was her first one she tried) and she thought it turned out so terrible that she threw it away. I sweetly smiled and said we would love to have one for our baby growing in my belly. (Which Colton did get a beautiful homemade quilt from Steve's grandma Granny Southards, so he wasn't too hard off).

Fast forward to my shower this past weekend. I was super excited, especially since I knew Kathy would have the quilt. She had come over a few weeks earlier and let me have input on style and color. She was the one that suggested the chevron design. Needless to say, I was extremely thrilled with how it turned out. I love the classic look. The amazing thing is too, that Kathy made the quilt in 3 days! Yes 3 days, she got the fabric late (from ordering it online) and Larry had surgery late last week, so she cranked this beauty out in 3 days! 

 

The back had a few fun colorful lines too (it is mostly pink)

The colors match the nursery. It is hard to tell but the pink and turquoise have very subtle pattern on them. 

Kathy is starting to sell her quilts in her daughter's Etsy store. They are reasonably priced and if you are looking for something personalized and beautiful for yourself or a baby shower gift, check with Kathy. She is a perfectionist and very humble, and does an amazing job!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/jennyjustjenny

Baby Shower

Yesterday a few friends threw a baby shower for baby girl. It was such a treat to get some adorable girlie things and some great handmade items. Even though we have a girl, most of Payton's clothes are hand-me-downs so it is nice to get a few fresh items for baby girl. Payton also never wore bows, I am hoping this one will be a little more prissy, so we got tons of bows! We got a handmade quilt, handmade blanket, handmade hooded towel with her name on it, a beautiful scripture for her wall, a knitted owl hat and so much more (including diapers)! She is set up well for cuteness :) It was so wonderful to spend some time with my girlfriends as well with no kids around.

There were 5 of us prego at the shower, here we are in order of due date

Another cute belly shot

My girlfriends who threw the shower for me.

If you are reading the banner, we have most likely decided on Presley as her name. If it changes she will have a shower with Presley all over it and a bath towel with Presley as well :) We are 95% set on it, so pretty good chance. Payton loves it because she will have a "P" like her :)

Thanks to all my friends who made it such a wonderful day!

Resemblence

Maybe I am trying too hard to prove that my son resembles my family because my daughter is completely a Southards. This post and This post show my determination. I have always said that he looks like my little brother. Well when mom was here over Christmas she brought a few pictures. Check this out

Ladies and Gentlemen, that is me at 22 months old and Colton at 24 months.

He does have some of Steve's head shape, but when I saw that picture of me, I really saw the resemblance.

I am curious to see what baby sister is going to look like.

Payton's 4th Birthday

Yesterday was Payton's 4th Birthday. Her celebration started last week with Roadhouse dinner, hunting with daddy, a birthday party on Saturday (her Papa, Gigi and Uncle Benny made it for), whip cream and waffles for birthday breakfast (our birthday tradition), then dinner and ice cream last night (Grandpa was in town for that). 

Payton at 4 years old you are such a delight. You are very helpful, you mother your brother all the time, you love to make projects, you love to make a mess with your projects, you have very few meltdowns anymore but are getting much better at expressing your feelings (you often get frustrated when you don't get your way), you are so sweet to Colton and really care for him (not just mother him), you are so excited to have a baby sister you get to hold, you have a very tender heart towards others, you dress yourself (it used to match now you are quite creative in your outfits) and many days you express your disgust for quiet time but spend almost 2 hours playing by yourself in your room. You are a delight to be around and add so much life to our family. 

Bringing you home 4 years ago

Riding the horse at Roadhouse

Hunting with daddy (you borrowed Colton's hat while he was sleeping)

Your first kill, daddy killed it so quickly you didn't even have time to finish your sucker

Bubblegum Themed birthday party

You didn't want the silly hat so your daddy wore it

Reminding me how old you are

 Happy 4th Birthday my daughter!

What a difference a year makes

One year ago I was laying in the ICU, receiving a blood transfusion and fighting for my life (quite unaware how bad I really was). We had just miscarried at 16 weeks and my body was fighting itself after the surgery to remove our baby. You can read all about it HERE, HERE, HERE.

Fast forward a very rough year for me. If you somewhat follow me at all you know I have been on physical and emotional roller coasters this past year.  I was reflecting on the whole situation and I stand in such a place of gratitude. Grateful for my life, for God's hand so evident in my life and for perspective. I am more excited about the arrival of baby girl then I think I was for either of my other children. Not just because this pregnancy has been harder, but I have a new appreciation for every little healthy life. 

We are not promised an easy life. We will experience trials, but I believe there is a good God watching over us. I believe he walked so intimately with me during that loss and trial. I have a different appreciation for my relationship with him since that time. 

I was looking back over pictures of my trip with Steve to the beach right after our miscarriage and my health scare. Remember, the Lord had a trip on the calendar for just me and Steve (no kids) less than one week after I went through everything. I remember it being such a peaceful time, and even now looking back at the pictures I am overcome with peace. I was reading THIS post about our time and came across this quote again that a girlfriend had text me while at the beach

"When we give God the highest glory, He gives us His deepest peace"

God was so faithful, we did our best to glorify him throughout the process and he was so good to give us such deep rooted peace. 

So here we sit a year later, grateful, humbled, forever changed.

Christmas Update

We had a wonderfully simple and low-key holiday season. The weekend before Christmas we were able to head to the farms overnight to celebrate with my mother-in-laws side of the family. I love spending time with family over the holidays and the kids love roaming the farms. 

Buster and Big Papa

 It was so cold outside but Buster did not care, he wanted to ride the tractor and throw rocks at the farm. I love that he is all BOY!

Christmas Eve was a great service at church, Steve delivered a great sermon filled with Hope for so many that don't have any. We had 2 services then went to our friends house to enjoy some dinner with friends. The kids loved staying up late, running around with their friends, eating all sorts of holiday junk!

 Christmas Day we were home alone in our PJ's all day. Christmas used to be so hard for me living far from family, but as our kids have gotten older, I really do enjoy being home with them and laying low on Christmas. We love having family around when we can, but there is something sweet and simple about being home together, just enjoying each other.

Reading Christmas Story before presents

I love this pic of these 2. They are in such a sweet stage right now, really caring for each other.

The only thing Sister really wanted for Christmas was a doggie that walked, talked and had batteries. Yes someone might have encouraged the batteries because that means there is an off switch. She talks about a real puppy but she knows we won't even consider that until we are done having babies. No babies and doggies. While we were taking the picture above, the dog started barking every time the flash went off.

 She figured out which box the barking came from and got super excited.

Needless to say this was the first present opened. My in-laws had gotten her the dog and they said it would bark at random times to them over the past few weeks. We have a video of her opening the present and it is priceless. Papa and Gigi got to experience her excitement through the video even though they weren't able to be here in person.

Buster really didn't care much about what he got, but he did get a few hats that really excited him.

It was a cold Christmas here. Steve and the kids hung up the bird feeder they got and they have loved watching the birds everyday. 

The day after Christmas my parents flew in. I had to thank them for leaving sunny warm Florida for cold Kansas. We had a great time with them here. One evening the adults went out for a fun date to the original Oklahoma Joes (in the gas station) and then went downtown to Circus de soleil. We had a blast!

Besides that we mostly hung out with my parents for the few days they were here.

Colton's favorite gift came from Grandpa, a Nerf shotgun. It is so much bigger then him, but the boy is in love. Dad got him some paper targets we taped to a door and the kids wants to shoot his gun all the time.

His big gift from Grandpa and Mimi was a balance bike, but we didn't even open that to a few days after Christmas because he didn't even care about it, he just kept playing with the gun. I am sure the bike will get great use this summer. 

He is still in love with his train track that he got for his birthday, that and the shotgun take up most of his playing time these days.

We had a great Holiday season. Now we have Sister's birthday this weekend then next up on our calendar is delivering a sweet baby girl!

Bringing up BeBe - Book Review

I just finished reading "Bringing up Bebe," written by an American woman raising her kids in Paris, gleaming wisdom from the French way of parenting. The author, Pamela Druckerman, noticed that the French children were much better behaved then American children, slept through the night earlier, ate a wide variety of foods, didn't consume the adults world and much more. She went on a mission to figure out what the French are doing right. The disclaimer is that not everything they do is the better, the culture is so different from us. But here are a few of my takeaways and quotes from the book.

• DELIVERY - pg 30 - "Very few women make a fuss about this (medicated vs non-medicated delivery). French women often ask where I plan to deliver, but never how. They don't seem to care. In France, the way you give birth doesn't situate you within a value system or define the sort of parent you'll be. It is, for the most part, a way of getting your baby safely from your uterus into your arms. In French, giving birth without an epidural isn't called "natural" childbirth. It's call "giving birth without an epidural."      I had to laugh at this one. I am guilty of this, does without an epidural prove anything? No not really. But the cultural we live in places so much emphasis one way or another, like you love your child more, or you will be a better mom if you choose a certain route over the other. I know women who wanted no epidural, who ended up getting one and either felt defeated or like they needed to justify it. Just some food for thought.

• SLEEPING - It is assumed that babies will be "Doing their nights" (sleeping through the night) by the latest of 3 months old in France. Pamela figured out the difference was the "Pause." Not rushing to your baby every time it makes a sound, but learning your child's rhythm. You give your baby a chance to self-sooth, don't automatically respond, even from birth. Babies make a lot of movements and noises while they are sleeping, this is normal and fine. If parents rush in  and pick the baby up every time he makes a peep, they'll sometimes wake him up. The French also understand sleep cycles, which last about 2 hours. It is normal for the baby to cry a bit when they are learning to connect these cycles. If a parent automatically jumps to the baby when they hear them cry, assuming it is a demand for food or a sign of distress, the baby will have a hard time self-soothing and connecting these cycles on their own. The baby will learn to need an adult to come during each of those cycle transitions and soothe them back to sleep. Babies do need to be picked up at times, but if you don't pause and observe them, you won't know for sure. Give your babies a chance to learn on their own. The French don't resort to "crying it out" as kids get older, because they have given them a chance to learn to fall asleep on their own. You only have until 4 months old to utilize the "Pause" method, after that bad habits have been formed. The "Pause" is what the author names this theory, for the French this is just common sense.      pg 49 "When I talk to American parents about sleep, science rarely comes up. Faced with so many different and seemingly valid sleep philosophies, the one they ultimately choose seems like a matter of taste. But once I get French parents talking, they mention sleep cycles, circadian rythms, and sommeil paradoxal. They know that one reason babies cry in the night is that they're between sleep cycles or they're in sommeilagite. When these parents said they observed their babies, they meant that they were training themselves to recognize these stages. When French parents pause, they do it consistently and confidently. They're making informed decisions based on their understanding of how babies sleep. Behind this is an important philosophical difference. French parents believe it's their job to gently teach their babies how to sleep well, the same way they'll later teach then to have good hygiene, eat balanced meals, and ride a bike. They don't view being up half the night with an 8-month-old as a sign of parental commitment. They view it as sign that the child has a sleep problem and that his family is wildly out of balance."

• LEARNING TO WAIT FOR MARSHMALLOWS - Walter Mischel did a test on children (4-5 years old) leading them into a room with a marshmallow on the desk. He tells them he is going to leave the room for a bit and when he comes back if the marshmallow is still there, the child will get to have 2 marshmallow's to eat. If the marshmallow is eaten while he is gone, the child only get's the one he ate. He found "the kids who manage to wait very easily are the ones who learn to during the wait to sing little songs to themselves or pick their ears in an interesting way, or play with their toes and make a game of it." The ones who didn't know how to distract themselves and just fixated on the marshmallow ended up eating it. The French allow their children to "WAIT." It is even part of their vernacular. Instead of saying "quiet" or "stop" to rowdy kids, French parents often tell them in a sharp tone to "wait." Mischel believes that self-control has become increasingly difficult for American children. A mom who can't talk on the phone for a few moments because a child is pulling on her, has a child that has not learned to distract themselves, exhibit self-control and wait. The French parents don't explicitly teach their children distraction techniques, they just give a lot of opportunity to practice waiting, not jumping to their every demand. 

• FRUSTRATION -  French kids do not get everything they demand. They don't get the toy in the store because they throw a fit for it. p73 "French parents don't worry that they are going to damage their kids by frustrating them. To the contrary, they think their kids will be damaged if they can't cope with frustration. They also treat coping with frustration as a core life skill. Their kids simply have to learn it. The parents would be remiss if they didn't teach it." p. 84 "Do you know the surest means of making your child miserable? It is to accustom him to getting everything. Since his desires grow constantly due to the ease of satisfying them, sooner or later powerlessness will force you, in spite of yourself, to end up with a refusal. And this accustomed refusal will give him more torment then being deprived of what he desires." The biggest parenting trap is to think that because a child can argue will, his argument deserves the same weight as your own. You are the parent. The French are very strict about certain things but very relaxed about almost everything else. The create very strict, wide boundaries, then give their children a lot of freedom to roam in those boundaries. 

• FRANCOISE DOLTO is a household parenting name in France. She doesn't have a "parenting philosophy" but has a lot of specific instructions. One principle is the children are rational people, babies understand what you are saying to them and you can teach them a lot, even while they young. She believed that children could absorb and handle limits, when a parent takes time to teach and understand their child. It is a balance between listening to children and being clear that it is the parents who are in charge. Dolto was excellent at raising her own three children (which unfortunately is unusual for parenting experts) and one thing her daughter talks about is her parents never made her do her homework, she was in charge of that, but she would be in "detention" for bad behavior. Dr. Kevin Leman (who is one of my favorite parenting guys) has the same philosophy that is so counter to what many people do. Kids are responsible for their homework, parents do not nag or remind them. Parents are willing to help if asked, but kids are in charge of it. If they don't do their homework, and their grades fall, there are consequences. 

• GUILT - This is a passion of mine. I watch so many moms ridden with guilt. I am not sure where we learned this, but listen to the moms you know, guilty feelings are pouring out of their hearts.  How many times do you hear a mom say "I am a bad mother" or make an excuse for some choice she made. p 146 "For American mothers, guilt is an emotional tax we pay for going to work, not buying organic vegetables, or plopping our children in front of the TV so we can surf the internet or make dinner. If we feel 'guilt' it's easier to do those things." French mom's are tempted to feel guilty as well, but they consider it unhealthy or unpleasant and try to banish it. One things that really helps French women not feel guilty is they are convinced it is unhealthy for mothers and children to spend all their time together. They believe there is a risk of smothering kids with attention. Of course there is a balance to this (like everything in life).

• MARRIAGE FIRST - Even American parenting books preach to put the marriage first, but so many couples have a problem actually doing this. p. 186 "The couple is the most important. It's the only thing that you chose in your life. You children, you didn't choose. You chose your husband. So, you're going to make your life with him. So you have an interest in it going well. Especially when your children leave, you want to get along with him." The French don't see quality time together as a couple as an aftermath, but as a top priority.  The take time away (often extended) from their children annually if not more regularly then that. And they do it without feeling guilty. 

• WORDS YOU SPEAK - p. 229 "French parents often invoke the language of rights. Instead of saying 'Don't hit Jules,' they typically say, 'You don't have the right to hit Jules.' The French phrasing suggest that there's a fixed and coherent system of rights, which both children and adults can refer to. It also makes it clear that the child does have the right to do other things." p. 229 "Another phrase that adults use a lot with children is 'I don't agree,' as in, 'I don't agree with you pitching your peas on the floor.' Parents say this in a serious tone, while looking directly at the child. 'I don't agree' is more than just 'no.' It establishes the adults is another mind, which the child must consider. And it credits the child with having it's own view on the peas, even if the view is being overruled. Pitching the peas is cast as something the child has rationally decided to do, so he can decide to do otherwise, too."

• INDEPENDENCE -  The French stress autonomy for their children. Not that American's don't want the same, but many parents try to be as physically present as possible, to protect their kids from harm and to smooth emotional turbulence for them. p. 246 "The most important thing is that a child will be, in full security, autonomous as early as possible. The trap of the relationship between parents and children is not recognizing the true needs of the child, of which freedom is one ... The child has the need to feel 'loved in what he is becoming,' sure of himself in a space, day by day more freely left to his own exploration, to his personal experience, and in his relations with those his own age."