Monday, March 7, 2011

Love & Marriage, Love & Marriage ....

6.5 years ago

My husband delivered it yesterday at church! It has been so fun to watch him grow as a communicator these past few years that he has been preaching more regularly.  I feel like the past few months, you can really see his comfort level rising. He never seemed awkward, he is just really settling in and his personality is coming out. He speaks it like it is!

We are in the middle of a series on Ephesians. Yesterday we studied Ephesians 5, submitting to one another in marriage. Submission has such a negative spin on it in our society. 

Ephesians 5

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.t 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 

Marriage can not be based upon the feeling of love. Feelings come and go, we can fall in and out of love if we base it on feelings.  We must MAKE LOVE .... a VERB. Love has to have action to it, it must be moving due to our intentionality.  A secret to long, thriving marriages is to consider the other person better than yourself. Treat them as if they are more important that you. Submit to them. How do you do that?

Submit through your ACTIONS-
Serve them, spend time with them doing the things they like, not just your interests, but theirs. Why have I gone hunting with Steve, not because I love the idea of sitting outside in the cold, in ugly clothes, watching nothing happen around me, all while having to be silent. I have taken an interest in hunting because that is what my husband loves to do. I am trying to be better about even buying and wearing clothes that my husband like to see on me, even if they aren't my top choice.  Serving your spouse, not standing up for your desires, but finding ways to meet theirs. How far should you go? Christ laid down his life for us, and we are called to love each other like he loved us. Willing to lay it all down, that is how far you should go.

Submit through your WORDS-
If you think something positive about your spouse, tell them! Not sharing your positive thoughts with them is like buying them a gift and not giving it to them. Find ways to shower them with words.  The phrase I LOVE YOU can get worn out. People tend to use it everyday, without much meaning behind it. Take some time to tell your spouse I LOVE YOU BECAUSE.... that simple word at the end can bring new life to the phrase. Today, take a few minutes and write a note to your spouse with 10 reasons you love them BECAUSE.   The Bible is full of great examples how on to use your words to show your spouse your love. I love that Steve was not afraid to share a verse from Songs of Solomon. If you think the Bible is boring, pick one up and read Songs of Solomon, there is more intense sexual descriptions in that one book that most of our marriages ever experience. Here King Solomon is describing his attraction to a Jewish maiden (if you read the whole book you will definitely see he uses words to describe is love and she does not doubt his adoration for her)

Songs of Solomon 7
6 Oh, how beautiful you are!
How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!

7 You are slender like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.

8 I said, “I will climb the palm tree
and take hold of its fruit.” 

 Yes men haven't changed all these years, they still want to get their hands on their woman's breasts. Steve had the congregation either laughing or blushing as he read this verse. Of course he had some joke about men starting to climb, and blessing God's written word; not too many pastors would want to bring this topic up in church.

Marriages are under attack. Ironically Saturday night Steve and I had a disagreement over nothing, right before he spoke the next day on marriage. Those arguments that start over "nothing" and escalate beyond belief, I believe, are attacks from the enemy on your marriage. He would love nothing more than to ruin a marriage, especially one that claims to be grounded in Christ.  Christ is the reason we have the marriage we do. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it is a work in progress. We both want to intentionally use our actions and words to make love a verb to each other.  Marriages don't just work out without you working hard at them.  Especially for us mom's of little kids. Yes it is our job to raise these kids to the best of our ability, but more important than our role as a mom, is our role as a wife. The kids see our marriage, the kids will leave home one day and we will be alone with our husbands, I pray the hard work we put into our marriage pays off, that when these little rascals leave home, we can look at each other in the eye and act like giddy teenagers who finally get to be home alone.  My husband is a gift I don't want to take for granted. 

Take time this week to love your spouse with your actions and your words. Put the hard work in, don't give up, I believe the best days are still to come.


  1. What a great and challenging post, Erin!

  2. Thanks for this post...I needed it this week. :-)

  3. great post. i needed this. thanks!

  4. Awesome!!!! I love my hubby and I love reading about your husband's growth and what his focus on for the week was :)