All I can say about myself is that I am a work in progress. Throughout the last year the Lord has done a great job humbling me and reminding me that it isn't about me. The most recent lesson I have learned happened at the end of our beach vacation.
I had been wearing either a swimsuit or cotton dress all week while at the beach. We wanted to do a family picture on the beach and I attempted to wear clothes that just a few months ago fell off my body. Seriously these shorts and capris were so loose I didn't like to wear them. As I attempted to to get dressed I barely could get myself into the now skin tight clothes. Even clothes that had fit before I left for Florida, no longer fit. I had a moment..... A moment that many pregnant women experience. That first of many moments when your clothes don't fit. Then all of a sudden, everything was bad, didn't like my hair, whole body was gross, etc. The following irrational thoughts went through my head, "I would be cute if I was 6 months pregnant, but I am 3 months along," "I worked so hard to get in shape and loose my baby fat, all to gain 10 pounds in the last 2 months and loose that hard work." Needless to say I was in a crummy mood.
The next morning I woke up early and went for a walk to watch the sunrise. I love getting up early and getting outside, that hasn't happened much as I have been so tired. I sat on a bench and decided to not focus on myself (what a thought) and appreciate God's beauty around me. The sky, the clouds, the water, the birds, I sat in amazement watching them all. I felt like in those still quiet moments I heard the Lord speak to me (I didn't hear an audible voice, it is more spirit-to-spirit)
"I am enthralled with your beauty, I made you just the way I wanted you to be. I am more concerned with using you for my glory than using you as a magazine model. Why do you feel societies pressure? Why do you feel like you have to look a certain way? I am making a baby inside of you. Growing a healthy human being, isn't that enough to be thankful for? Stay healthy and I will take care of you"
Thank you Lord that you continue to work on me and prune areas that need it. Thank you for your faithfulness.