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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Work in progress

All I can say about myself is that I am a work in progress. Throughout the last year the Lord has done a great job humbling me and reminding me that it isn't about me. The most recent lesson I have learned happened at the end of our beach vacation.

I had been wearing either a swimsuit or cotton dress all week while at the beach. We wanted to do a family picture on the beach and I attempted to wear clothes that just a few months ago fell off my body. Seriously these shorts and capris were so loose I didn't like to wear them. As I attempted to to get dressed I barely could get myself into the now skin tight clothes. Even clothes that had fit before I left for Florida, no longer fit. I had a moment..... A moment that many pregnant women experience. That first of many moments when your clothes don't fit. Then all of a sudden, everything was bad, didn't like my hair, whole body was gross, etc. The following irrational thoughts went through my head, "I would be cute if I was 6 months pregnant, but I am 3 months along," "I worked so hard to get in shape and loose my baby fat, all to gain 10 pounds in the last 2 months and loose that hard work." Needless to say I was in a crummy mood.

The next morning I woke up early and went for a walk to watch the sunrise. I love getting up early and getting outside, that hasn't happened much as I have been so tired. I sat on a bench and decided to not focus on myself (what a thought) and appreciate God's beauty around me. The sky, the clouds, the water, the birds, I sat in amazement watching them all. I felt like in those still quiet moments I heard the Lord speak to me (I didn't hear an audible voice, it is more spirit-to-spirit)

"I am enthralled with your beauty, I made you just the way I wanted you to be. I am more concerned with using you for my glory than using you as a magazine model. Why do you feel societies pressure? Why do you feel like you have to look a certain way? I am making a baby inside of you. Growing a healthy human being, isn't that enough to be thankful for? Stay healthy and I will take care of you"

Thank you Lord that you continue to work on me and prune areas that need it. Thank you for your faithfulness.

4 comments:

  1. Very nice Erin. Takes a lot to open yourself up like that.
    Trent

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  2. Good word sister. I love what you wrote and what He is teaching you. (You still look amazing too:) )

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  3. That was beautiful Erin..so true..

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  4. Matthew 6:25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?"

    You are beautiful because the way your body changes to grow that life in you.

    I admire your soul and determination, not your styling or muscle mass. :) I am glad to have a beautiful person such as yourself for a friend.

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